Wants and needs. As novice submissives we hear this phrase over and over. Make sure you know your wants and needs. Does this person or that person fulfill your wants and needs? How should we talk about our wants and needs with someone? First, let’s define them.
Need: Something that is not negotiable for a relationship to exist. Things like security, trust, honesty, monogamy (or non-monogamy) fall into a need category.
Want: Anything that would be nice to have in addition to your needs, but they aren’t all required all/most/any of the time. Things like cuddling, play time, frequent sex, date nights, the decision to have children.
(Caveat – please know that your wants and needs are personal and unique. It’s very possible that what I’ve given as examples could be in different lists for you. That’s okay!)
Let me share why needs are so important to your overall health and happiness in a relationship and why settling for less than what you need is harmful to you and the relationship.
I’m going to use the basic needs of security, comfort and love for this discussion but any needs that you have on your list will apply just as well. Feel free to make this part of your personal analysis. This is for your own development and I hope that it will help you see why needs are so important.
Security is the first need that you should have met to live. This can be physical, emotional or financial security. Without the sense of safety and security you can not easily go about your day. Things that can threaten your security are unemployment, abuse and terrorist threats. A breakdown of security can make all other needs unimportant until this one is rebuilt. Just think about if you (Want to read more...)