Life, Relationships, Service
When we imagine an ideal world, it’s pretty safe to say that for most of us, that perfect world wouldn’t include illness, disabilities, and death. Everyone would have bodies that are strong, capable, and able to do any and all activities the heart desires. On this side of creation, that type of world doesn’t exist, and because it doesn’t, it’s imperative that we understand that there will come a day that our bodies will fall short of the glory that often exists in our mind; and as sure as the sun rises each morning, one day we will all surrender to death. For those who come to the Lifestyle during the more impressionable years of early adulthood, usually illness and death isn’t such a pressing matter unless one has experienced a life threatening illness or disability. However, if one lives long enough, chances are there will be some type of health challenge even if it’s a really horrible case of bronchitis that lingers for weeks; the cronies who were there pretty much from the beginning begin to age and start to pass away… and it doesn’t matter how old or young they were – it was always too soon, and there was never enough time. When illness and death hits home and a blood relative, Master or slave is affected, it can be an experience that tears at the soul. Yet, it doesn’t have to be an experience that leaves the soul crushed and defeated, and this is what this post is about, helping others hold on to the silver lining and lean into the light at the end of the tunnel no matter how bleak circumstances may seem.
Up until 2011, the only issue that I struggled with was living with a permanent disability. Then 2011 came and I (Want to read more...)
Is submission a gift?
I’ve been told I am really gifted at giving blow jobs. You mean like that?
-Donna Carpenter, 22, Church Organist
Yes, which is why I always hold out for Christmas or a birthday before I have sex.
-Rhonda Bordy, 27, Mystic
No. At least not for me. I always have to pay for it.
-Timmy Montrose, 55, Taco Chef
Master is the only person I “text” with, and it’s not even texting, really. It’s an app that only lets two people talk to each other. It’s kind of like an instant messenger, but only connects me to him. We use it for quick communication to help the day go smoother. For example, if he needs something from me, or if he wants to tell me he’s coming home (so I can start dinner like a good little slave) then he’ll often just go on there and send me a quick message.
I just thought this particular exchange was kind of funny. After all, Master considers me to be a toy. His very favorite, actually. (That’s what he tells me all the time, anyway!)
Would really appreciate it if I could get some advice or your opinion on this ? I’ve always found that submission and being dominated really turns me on. That’s about the only thing I find sexually stimulating but my boyfriend doesn’t really know the extent of what I really like in the bedroom. I’m extremely shy to even let him know this because of the reaction I might get. We both enjoy rough sex and him being in control but have never gone beyond that. I’d like to know how to subtly tell him.
I can understand your desire to be subtle about telling him what you want and need beyond what you are getting but that just doesn’t work well and I’ll tell you why. In just a moment. Let’s think on the subtle ways again. While I don’t suggest anyone only stick to the subtle ways to entice a partner into trying more or learning what’s in your heart there are always ways you can send hints. Now, getting them to act on them is not always possible which is why the second half of this post will be better ways to share what you need and want from your partner.
1. Leave a book open on the coffee table to a section that has a fantasy or kink idea you’d like to try. Maybe he’ll take a look at it when he thinks you aren’t looking to see what you are reading.
2. Read erotic stories to each other. Make comments about what’s hot in the story or how it makes you feel. Better yet, write erotic stories to each other!
3. Watch porn together and have fun reenacting the kinky parts.
A reader writes:
how do i get somebody to give me online punishments?
A very brief question. The answer will be somewhat longer, I hope (though probably not a lot longer…).
I’m going to assume that you’re wanting to be an online submissive. I would suggest a quick trip to our sister site at www.submissiveguide.com. Specifically, here’s a 10-page list of posts that came up from a search of the words “online” and “punishment” over there.
Hopefully, that helps.
It looks like we have space to fit in another question. Fortunately, we have lots of them.
A reader writes:
How would I ask my boyfriend to try bdsm??
Well, that would depend on whether you’re interested in him being the bottom or the top in your relationship dynamic. And just to make things even more fun/complicated, you could be looking to switch…
If you’re wanting him to try submitting to you, or at least being a bottom, I will tell you that there is shockingly little advice out there specifically for introducing that concept into a relationship. I have been inspired, and will be putting up a post on this very topic in the coming month or two. Keep an eye out.
In the mean time, Morgan (The Rev) and lunaKM (the lead contributors here and at submissiveguide, respectively) hosted a Twitter chat about introducing BDSM in a relationship, a couple of years ago. It’s a good read, and worth exploring. Lots of questions and answers. Here is the transcript.
If, on the other hand, you’re in the (seemingly far more common these days) position of being a woman or man who wants to submit to (or at least bottom for) their boyfriend, well… we’ve got a whole mess of advice for you. Start (Want to read more...)
Computer programmer and BDSM Top Chip Morganfall, 23, says he has created the perfect computer program to generate kinky and popular writings for the website Fetlife.
“It is a lot easier than it sounds,” said Morganfall, “all I do is apply a text generation program around three themes: consent, how stupid young male dominants are, and criticizing others for having ‘one true way.’ I have found that the more patronizing I am in the tone and the more dismissive I am of other points of view, the more loves I generate. I then slap on one of six pre-fabricated trigger warnings and they never fail to go kinky and popular.”
According to Morganfall, the program, simply called “Platitudes” offers anyone who wants their 15 minutes of Fetlife fame, a quick and easy solution. He is selling it as a service, charging kinksters $5.99 per platitude posting.
Morganfall is set to launch a second service soon, which will feature bathroom selfies of naked young women merged with a customer’s head shot.
“Early testing shows that with the right bathroom and the right set of breasts, we can make anyone’s selfie go kinky and popular as well. Most surprising in our research was the state of the bathroom. It has to be messy enough to look real but not so messy that the woman looks like a snob. We also found that displaying feminine hygiene products in the selfie was a big turn off.”
Morganfall’s business has been a success, though he refuses to release names of clients of specify which of the posts on Fetlife are a product of his service.
“We keep all of that confidential, but I can tell you it is most of them.”
We haven’t done anything with ropes in a while. Master has just been using a lot of leather restraints when we play, which is fine. I mean, you won’t really see me complaining. I’m not picky.
Since putting in my port, though, he’s been talking to me about rope. Neither of us think it’s a good idea to tie over the port itself. Under the port is fine, above it might be an issue. You can even feel the catheter easily through the skin with a light finger touch, so if you were to put a rope on top (especially a tight rope) we’re not entirely sure if it might dislodge or bother the port in some way. This is new territory for us both, so we’re going slow and figuring it out.
Last night Master thought he would test the waters a little bit. Nothing too fancy, but he pulled out some rope and went to work on a mild chest harness. The back was really pretty, and I felt pretty secure in this.
This was actually pretty late at night. It was after 10PM, and we were just kind of dicking around with the rope. I pulled out a ribbon from in the rope bucket with my teeth and Master immediately took it away and started teasing me with it (kitty style). Of course I chased, caught, nibbled, and bit the rope. I’m always down for ribbons and strings.
I don’t know how long we played with the ribbon. Maybe fifteen minutes? Afterwards, Master put my pajama shirt over my ropes (so we could open the windows) and I played video games before bed.
It’s not pleasant, but it’s a reality that many relationships face, even when those relationships are kinky. It’s not the preference of one activity over another, but the desire for any activity at all; it’s the age old question: are you up for it? and the difference between your response and your partner’s.
Having a substantially different level of interest in sex can be a strain for even the most vanilla partnership, but when aspects of kink are introduced (no matter what those aspects are), the strain can be compounded. This is especially true when partners allow themselves to feel guilty for the difference, or have a hard time recognizing and articulating the challenges resulting from the difference. What’s important to understand here is that, regardless of whether you run hotter or colder than your partner, the challenge you face is not one that you face alone. By virtue of being in a relationship, you share the burden of the struggle, and with the right attitude and awareness, you can at least attempt to accommodate each other.
The most important thing you need to understand is that the strain you feel is not one-sided. The pressure to be compatible in all aspects of your relationship—including the bedroom—is one that is acutely felt, regardless of whether you’re up for sex multiple times a day, a few times a week, or only once in a blue moon. The difference is the type of pressure that you feel.
My Dom and I have very different sex-drives. By this, I mean that we are on opposite sides of the spectrum. It doesn’t take a lot to pique my interest in sex. A casual command or a “good girl” on her part is about all I need to shift gears and to start thinking (Want to read more...)