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I’ve been seeing this dom for, oh, about two and a half months. The original terms of our relationship were very casual. He’s poly, freshly out of a relationship, not looking for a commitment. So we played, spent time together, but no “official” titles of any kind were given to the relationship.

Over this period, I’ve had quite a few ups and downs with him, and been there for him throughout. Lately, we’ve become closer and closer. And it was becoming pretty clear that, with or without a title, I am in effect his sub. But still — both of us are free to “play the field”.

(Given the amount of time we’ve been spending together, there hasn’t been too much of that. But we have added another girl as a third side to our triangle, and that’s going pretty well so far. And he still spends a lot of time meeting people online. I’m okay with that so far.)

The other day, he flat out called me his sub in his blog, which led to a much more serious “wither goest the relationship?” kind of discussion. Good talk, recognition of what is already there. No real change, in other words.

Part of the discussion is his view (which I basically share) that there are different levels and even stages of being someone’s sub (or dom, for that matter). In other words, I might be his sub, but I’m not in the same position as the 2-year, 24/7 sub he recently separated from… Nor is our 3rd side in the same position as me…

Beginning to make sense?

Probably not, lol.

Anyway, one day after this talk he springs on me that he wants me to put that I’m under his consideration in my profile (on our local community site). To him — this is a very serious statement, and a necessary stage. To me — I didn’t go through “the steps” with him from the start, and now I’m already there as far as I’m concerned.

And trying to get any really well-defined answers as to what it means hasn’t gone so well. He says “you know what it means” and treats my attempts to make it clearer as evasion, and lack of submission. (And to be honest, there is some truth to that.)

Which then brings me back to my question (some of you might remember my deliberations) about how much of a submissive I really am, how much my ego gets in my way, and all that… I really hate the “consideration” word (in Hebrew it is called being a “candidate”).

I don’t like feeling tested. I don’t like putting myself “up for” acceptance or rejection. I don’t like that I have to give up playing the field, and not really being clear on what I’m getting in return. I hate the feeling of giving up my options, even if there are no current options, or any that I really want.

So am I the only one who has an ego impediment here? Should I just be ecstatic that he asked me? When he asked my how I felt I told him I had a problem with the word “candidate” and he really didn’t hear the rest of what I had to say, which is that I did get the warm and fuzzies about being asked…

So I’m confused.