Are you raw enough?

Posted by ldyraven on Friday Mar 12, 2010 Under Anal Sex, Contests, Gay

Oh how I wish I could have entered this contest. But alas I can’t but it’s going to be fun to attend.

This weekend if you are Raw enough come out to the Rawhide Bar 212 8th (corner 21street).

WELCOME TO THE FIRST ANNUAL MR. RAWHIDE CONTEST. MEET AND GREET OPENING ON FRIDAY, MARCH 12th COMPETITION ON SATURDAY, MARCH 13th.

On behalf of RawhideNYC and LEATHERFirst-NYC, we are proud to announce the Mr. Rawhide 2010 leather contest.

Sponsorship Listing for Prize Package.

Titleholder will receive the following:

  1. Patch and Sash from The LeatherMan, Inc.
  2. 1 Year Full Membership at Steel Gym, NYC (Main Sponsor)
  3. 1 Handmade flogger from Andre’s Whips
  4. Specially Designed Rubber Shirt from Nasty Pig
  5. 1 Free 90 Min full body Energy Massage by “A Boy’s Touch”
  6. 1 gift certificate from Rainbows and Triangles
  7. Gift basket from My Lady’s Toys
  8. Free Year Membership with the New York Bondage Club
  9. Leather Wallet Wrist Bands from Steve’s Leather
  10. 2 Tickets to the Saint at Large Black Party
  11. Guest spot at Will Clark’s Porno Bingo
  12. Sponsorship and Mentorship to IML 2011!

SPECIAL GOGO APPEARANCE BY CHICAGO’S RAY DANIELS!

 

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Pleasurists Me 56

Posted by Mystress Lady Evyl on Tuesday Dec 8, 2009 Under Anal Sex, Mystress Lady Evyl, Reviews

snow

Snow Bunny by carvenaked

Pleasurists is a round-up of the adult product and sex toy reviews that came out in the last seven days. For updates and information follow our RSS Feed and Twitter.

Did you miss Pleasurists #55? Read it all here. Do you have a review for Pleasurists #57? Use our submission form and submit it before Sunday December 13th at 11:59pm PST. Be sure to read our submission guidelines.

Want to win some free swag? All you’ve got to do is enter.

Looking for something other than reviews?

The latest edition! e[lust] #2

Editor’s Pick

  • Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex by Ashley
  • At the core of the book is this: it is very, very difficult to study human beings sexually in a scientific setting. Science and sex are both delicate things and no normal human being is going to act the way they normally do while doing the down and dirty if they’re being watched, probed, evaluated, hooked to machines, and so on.

    Note: Some EP’s are picked because of the review itself and some are picked because the product made me go “Oooooh, want!” This one is definitely the latter. That’s not to say the review isn’t good too, it’s just overshadowed by my desire to read this and everything else by Mary Roach. Will you have the same reaction?

Editrix

Scarlet Lotus St. Syr

On to the reviews…

Vibrators

Dildos

Anal Toys

Toys for Cocks

Lube, Massage Oil, Bath Stuff, & etc.

BDSM/Fetish

Adult Movies/Porn

Sex Furniture

Lingerie

Miscellaneous

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Little Flirt

Posted by Mystress Lady Evyl on Wednesday Dec 2, 2009 Under Anal Sex, Mystress Lady Evyl, Reviews, Sex Toys

When I saw the newest toy Babeland.com offered up for grabs as a review I jumped on it.Yep a nice little butt plug. Emphasis on little. Being a Dominant BDSM practionner I already have a nice selection of butt plugs but only had a cheap flimsy little one. Let’s face it most sub already can take more then the little one or I’ll just go with a latex covered finger or two.

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But a little while back I had read and reviewed a book called Anal Pleasure and Health by Jack Morin, Ph.D. I did have an ‘ewww’ factor on my own anal pleasure but the book made me reconsider perhaps being more open (pun intended) to the idea. It works a lot on the psychlogical aspect of it….which I have been doing on and off for a while now. So then enters my new patner. He is patient and experienced and so I decided to explore my back door SLOWLY with him. I am not gonna go into details but its a slow but steadily improvement.

Back to the review. the toy offered was the Little Flirt, a 100% medical grade silicone butt plug by one of my favorite toy manufacturers: Tantus. I was like “yesss!” a nice small plug to start. Its got a big advantage shape wise compared to other similar sized plugs: it tapers bag down at the base which helps to keep it in. alos the base is nice and thick unlike other ones that can be flimsy. Silicone is non-porous, hygienic and pliable. this makes for easy cleaning and care. They can be cleaned  with soap and water but they can also be disinfected if you boil them (unless there is a motor) for 5-10 minutes or put them in your dishwasher.

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So how was the Little Flirt for me? Very nice the first time. I graduated past it right away unfortunately. Nothing to do with the toy, I was just apparently already ready for the next step. Again I think I was ready in my head. But if you are totally new and nervous to anal play it is the perfect size because it is not intimidating. Its like a finger. So will keep it very handy and nearby for subs (with a condom on it of course)

Specs:

  • Size: 3-1/4″ x 1″
  • Material: Silicone

Thank you Babeland.com in helping me with my derrière explorations. Two thumbs up on this one!

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Ace in the Asshole

Posted by Mystress Lady Evyl on Sunday Sep 27, 2009 Under Anal Sex, Mystress Lady Evyl, Reviews

Yes, I know crude title! But its too appropriate he he. Tantus, a toy company I just adore, sent me these butt plugs to try out. Meet the small Ace butt plug and the large Ace butt plug.

Now these butt plugs look overall a lot slimmer then most plugs because only the tip is flared. Both sizes have a long narrow neck instead of just tapering like most plugs. I find this gives them a great advantage because even if you can relax and take in a wide plug the actual insertion time with this model is a lot quicker. The narrow long neck makes them very flexible too.

But the main reason why the narrow neck on these butt plugs are so popular is that the chance of the pugs popping out is greatly reduced. They are comfortable and stay in place very effectively. This is actually the case for many of the Tantus butt plugs.

The small Ace butt plug measures 1.3″x3.3″ and the large Ace butt plug measures 1.65″x4.25″. Both models are available in black and purple.

The Ace plugs are made from 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone. This is a top quality material that makes clean up a breeze. 100% Silicone toys can be totally disinfected in bleach or bloiled for a few minutes with fear of damaging your toy. They can even go in the dishwater. BUT (no pun intended) if you plan sharing this toy, since it is an anal toy, I would still recommend using it with a condom.

The verdict? My victim had no problem taking them in (because it is not a new activity…go slow if you are new to anal play) and found them very comfortable. Removal was easy too. We will keep these beauties at the top of the toy chest so I can giving them a full 5 on 5 stars.

Mystress Lady Evyl

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Book Review: Anal Pleasure and Health

Posted by Mystress Lady Evyl on Tuesday Sep 8, 2009 Under Anal Sex, Mystress Lady Evyl, Reviews, Safer Sex

I have a really interesting review for you today of a book sent to me by the wonderful Babeland.com people.

I just finished reading ”Anal Pleasure and Health” by Jack Morin, Ph.D. It was very enlightening on a subject where, well, the sun don’t shine. Although I have not practiced anal play (in a regular serious manner) in some time it is an activity that I enjoy and fascinates me. So I thought taking on this book as a challenge would be a great way to learn more about how to do it safely and in an enjoyable manner.

Now let me warn you right away there will some “Too Much Information” in this next paragraph so if you are uncomfortable with that I would suggest skipping till you see ***

I am gonna be very honest with you all and share my personal experience and health about by asshole lol. Ok so prior to being a Mistress I have attempted no more then one handfull of times anal penetration with 3 partners. They were all mostly not pleasing and painful. Of course at the time I had no freaking clue about anal play at all. I do recieving anal play, rimming and the occasionl finger but its got to all be gentle. Move forward to being a Mistress: I have deflowered a many subs butts and penetrated accustomed anal players. That I did after some reading on safe and fun ass play so it usually went well. Now for anal health…not good. I have been suffering from fissures for a few years and its always raw and itchy. Also after reading this book I realize I have chronic anal tension, meaning my anal muscle is always tense. Obviously both not good for anal sex. If I had 1 regular partner that was truly patient and gentle I might be open to trying.

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***When men ask me…and its the funniest when they are vanilla and clueless to my bdsm side…if I like anal, I alsways say I love giving. The look on their faces is precious. Usually its confusion and if they smart it leads to understanding and avoiding me, or they are into it and have a million questions. But for me I am not a fan of recieving….but a bit curious.

So back to the book. It is written by a therapist who specializes in anal health. He has led researches for decades and knows his, pardon the pun, shit! The book is well written and it is in laymens terms. But it can be a bit dry. It reads like a therapy book which just happens to reffer a lot to anal health and play. At no time will you take this book to bed with you for a masturbation session.

Had I been the editor I would have skipped a few chapters about some research analysis and sociological theories. But the progression of the self-help chapters is excellent. He dicusses the beginings of anal exploration, experimenting with butt toys, and all the way to full anal penetration. All steps are divided into chapters that include exercises to learn to relax and explore you asshole. Every chapter’s exercise pushes the previous one a little bit further…but only if you are ready. There is a lot of emphasis that you should only do the exercises if you want to for you and if you are ready. Also strongly suggested is writting in a journal. I actually thought it was an excellent idea considering his approach.

The author covers almost everything you may ever want to know about the ass. He even claims his exercises can heal medical problems if not interested in the sexual aspect. So try it to cure your hemorrhoids, fissures, constipation, etc. There are however 2 things I beleive he skipped over. He talks a lot about the complexes we have towards the clealiness of the ass but he could have gone more into details. He sort of says “get over it, its not dirty” but lacks in giving proof. Second thing I would have liked to have info on is if there is any harm in overdoing anal penetration. A gay friend of mine is very anxious of loosing control of his anus in later years.  I think its a genuine concern that should have been addressed. Although the book was updated, it could be reviewd a bit more. It was written in 1998 so it talks about AIDS a little too much. Don’t get me wrong, AIDS and HIV are huge problems to this day, but you can tell its outdated as the book was written during the crissis. Other then that he covers safe anal sex perfectly.

For the sake of the review I did read through the whole book in one shot. I do plan on going back to the exercises and exploring my anal pleasure as he describes. Where did I put my personal anal plug again? But as I read it I became very aware of my anus and did some relaxation of it a bit. I am also much more conscious of my stool cycle and my actual defecation process. Yeah I know sounds gross but but your health is directly related to how your stool comes out, both in performance and result.

I recommend this book to anyone who wants to learn more about how to receive and give anal pleasure in the safest and most enjoyable way. You will learn a lot about yur body and your mind when it comes to your and your partner’s anus. The book is aimed at all genders and sexual orientations. I give it a 4 1/2 starts out of 5.

Mystress Lady Evyl

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My Blue Lips

Val Fox clicked her tongue against the roof of her mouth as her best friend, Sarah, goaded her.  “No, I’m not going to the reunion.  Everybody from high school was so stupid.  Don’t you remember?”  Flipping through the pages of the style magazine, she held it below her chin and asked Sarah, “Do you think this hair style would look good on me?”

Sarah shook her head, and Val shook her head back.  With a mocking tone, Sarah said, “They were all stupid back then.  You’re right, but I wonder if maybe some of those assholes have gotten more mature over the years.  We’ll never know unless we grace them with our presence, now will we?”  She fluffed her hair and pointed to the new page Val held against her chest.  “I think that one might look okay on you.”

Val shrugged.  “I dunno.  Don’t you think it’s a little too eighties?”  She flipped the magazine to the next page just as the waiting area of the salon began smelling of perm solution.  “You just want to see Johnny again.  Don’t lie to me and tell me that’s not the reason you’re trying to drag me along to the class reunion.  He’s probably married and has a couple of kids by now.  Why not just have a girls’ night out instead?”

Sarah twisted her face in a fake smirk.  “Just because I want to see Johnny doesn’t mean we won’t have fun.  Ever since starting that fairy business of yours, you haven’t taken enough time to spend with people.  You know, people.  Not the kind who are customers, but people.”  Sarah smacked her bubble gum.  “Besides, you didn’t earn the nickname Foxy for nothing.  Snag a guy at the reunion.  Have a little fun.  I bet some of the men there’ll think you’re a knockout with your red hair.”

Later in the week while at the reunion, Val and Sarah stayed together for awhile until Sarah saw Johnny.  Just as Val predicted, Sarah talked with Johnny Rosencratz all night.  For the first half hour or so Val was left alone.  She was utterly bored, and kept checking her watch.  Most of the other people at the reunion wore fake grins, and nobody spoke with her.  Those who did strike up a conversation were people Val didn’t like in the first place.  Everybody hung out in the same cliques as when they were younger.

She crossed the large auditorium and dipped a plastic ladle into the punch bowl.  Turning to snatch a piece of cake along with the punch, Val saw a man with black hair standing near the entrance to the auditorium.  She didn’t remember him.  Wondering who he was, she carried the punch and cake toward where he stood.  The man was alone, and he looked as uncomfortable as she felt.

When she was within earshot, Val introduced herself.  I’m Val Fox.  Although I’m sure you must have attended school here and were in my class, I don’t recognize you.  What’s your name?” she said while balancing the little plate and cake in the same hand as the punch so she could offer the man a handshake.  His palm was sweaty as he gripped hers.

He shook her hand firmly and said, “It’s nice to meet you, Val Fox.  I’m Robert Murrel.  I attended school here, but I graduated from East.  My family moved midway through my junior year, so I went to East my senior year.”  Robert’s eyes darted to a group of former football players across the room.  “I suppose this really isn’t the right class reunion to attend since I didn’t graduate from West, but I’m an insurance agent and figured maybe I could network a little for potential clients.”  He pointed at the lopsided piece of cake Val held.  “That looks good.  I think I’ll have some.”

Val wasn’t sure if referencing the football players was Robert’s way of excusing himself from speaking with her any longer, but he gave her the vibes that her conversation was welcome.  He smiled as she tagged along with him back to the cake table.  She cleared her throat and said, “Whoever cut the cake sure mangled it.”

Robert laughed and grasped the ladle to the punchbowl, fixed himself a beverage, and took a piece of cake before pointing toward an empty table nearby.  “Let’s sit,” he said.  “I dunno about you, but standing in uncomfortable shoes has to be the worst thing in the world.  I finally broke down and bought a new pair, and they’re not completely broken in yet.”  Val ate her cake without saying much because her mouth was full.  She listened to Robert talk about the differences between attending East and West.  He wore an orange polo-style shirt and a pair of khaki Dockers.  Every now and again Val caught herself glimpsing at his black, leather belt.  A kidnapping fantasy formed in her mind.

This was why her relationships never worked out.  Val always fixated on men with nice belts.  She imagined them using a belt on her while she lay bound and submissive to them.  In reality, the men with the nice belts were either too shy in bed to try what she wanted, or they insisted on always slating her as a submissive.  Val was a true switch.  She liked using the wonderful leather on a man as much as she liked being on the receiving end of a good punishment.  Val could handle vanilla sex.  What she couldn’t handle was a man who stuck a label on her and then expected her to always take the same role.  She didn’t care if the role was in bed, on the job, or in the home.  That’s why she started The Fairy Store.  Val needed to create her own destiny.

“Are you okay?” Robert said.  “You’re kinda not paying attention to me.  I just asked you a question.”  His cup of punch was nearly drained, and the cake missing.

“Oh, sorry.  I just got lost in my thoughts for awhile.” Val wondered if her face was flushed.  Her slit was wet with the beginnings of a fantasy with this man.  His belt was still in the front of her mind when she said, “I’m not going to stay here for very long.  If you want to meet up with me later or leave with me and do something else, I’m cool with that.  The friend who accompanied me here ditched me.  There’s nobody else I intend to talk with.  If you want to razzle dazzle some potential clients since you just got here, I understand.  I’m a business owner myself.”

Robert swallowed the last few drops of punch in the paper cup before he said, “I think leaving with you sounds like more fun than talking to a bunch of people I don’t know.  Nobody really wants to be sold insurance at a reunion anyway.”

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Taken

Posted by selkie on Thursday Sep 3, 2009 Under Anal Sex, BDSM, Blogs, Blood Play, D/s, Sadomasochism, selkie

Your fingers dance across my skin, trailing want like burns along the pale expanse of need and creating in my mind a conflagration of possibilities that make my eyes gleam feral in the dusk of the room. I feel you hot and hard against the back of my thighs, the damp warmth of your demand trailing stickily along the sweep of pale flesh pressed against the length of your body.

 I feel your teeth sink into where my shoulder sweeps into neck, pressing with the promise of sharp, hot need and I arch into your want with a hitch of breath that leaves me panting. 

 My hair tumbles over my face as you tighten your mouth and force me down and beneath the muted ruby of its curls, I feel cocooned and caught, enmeshed in the trembling panting of your breath.

I move restlessly, flanks twitching like a restive mare. You tighten your hands around my wrists stretched high about my head, shoulders straining and I feel your hand between my thighs, clever fingers burrowing and finding the hidden tightness of my need.

 I buck and your body tightens around me and I feel the stiff hot demand of you slip between the slickness of my want and I growl. You jerk my arms tight and I involuntarily groan, caught between the promise of pain and fierceness of my rutting need, wanting both pain and pleasure with a craving that threatens to overwhelm me.

 Your body presses my flesh into the tumbled sheets and I feel your teeth tighten on that sweet, meaty part of my shoulder that you love so much and in my mind, I imagine the hot copper taste of my blood trickling into your mouth as you break the skin. The pain is sharp and immediate and makes things tighten deep inside and I feel the throbbing slick release between my legs drench the material below me in sympathy with the warm trickle down my neck. Your body demands acquiescence and the subjection of self but the fierce, wild spirit in me fights your mastery and I struggle beneath you. Our breathing is ragged and harsh in the hushed twilight room as we struggle, a two-backed beast of slick flesh and dampness, of hot hard need and swollen promise.

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My Blue Lips

Nadia arrived at Robert’s ranch style house four hours later.  It was a bachelor pad with little in the way of decorations.  Most of his furniture was comfy and brown or beige.  Until her phone call, he hadn’t known she’d even moved back to town.  When she walked through the hallway into the living room, Nadia was as stunning as ever.  Robert approached her as soon as he saw her lips curl up into a wickedly seductive smile.  Wearing a shirt that read the name of a local bar, The Whale’s Belly, her nipples protruded through the “a” of “Whale” and the “y” of “Belly.”  “Damn, I forgot how fine your tits are,” he said, tracing the outline of the two letters.  “You know I’m a breast man.”

She flipped her long, straight blonde hair behind her shoulder.  “And you know from the old days that I like a good fuck just about as much as anything else.  I’ll let you under the Whale’s Belly if you’ll let me be on top.”

“It’s a deal.”  Robert’s pulse quickened as he stared at the bump sticking through the “A.”

He stripped off all his clothes, glad he kept up the rigorous gym routine in the mornings before work.  His jeans, flannel shirt, tank top, socks, and boots all dropped to the floor in a messy pile to the side of the couch.  Nadia watched him, her eyes fixed on his crotch.  She crinkled her nose before smiling again when she saw the sculpted abs Robert had worked so hard to maintain.  He felt comfortable around her, and he knew it drove her crazy when he was slow about taking off his underwear.  Robert crossed the room and then tapped the button on his stereo, filling the room with the echo of soft music.

While sitting on the couch, Nadia lifted the T-shirt over her supple breasts and then pulled her pants down. They slipped off her legs with a tomboyish lack of grace.  She wasn’t tall exactly, but her legs always seemed longer than most women’s legs.  Robert watched Nadia lift her feet out of the pants.  His belly tingled as he anticipated a good fuck.  In the past, Nadia always kept him guessing.  Sometimes she liked sex rough and was feral about their play.  Other times she insisted he take his time and tease her.  He wondered how Nadia wanted it this time around as he sat on the couch next to her.

Her skin was tan except for her bikini line, which suited Robert just fine.  His heartbeat ratcheted up a notch when she neared him with those long legs and tanned skin.  He wanted to explore under the whale’s belly, and she knew it.  Robert missed calling her these past few years whenever he desired a convenient, guilt-free lay.  They used to be a regular fuck when both of them weren’t in committed relationships.  Nadia had been with Joe for a couple years and a hundred miles away, so they hadn’t really kept in touch for awhile.  She winked at him before lifting her leg over Robert’s lap and letting out a deep, slow sigh.  Just like before, they avoided kissing on the mouth as Nadia straddled his lap. Their mutual understanding was that this act they were about to perform was about pleasure, nothing more.  There were no strings attached whatsoever.  Her pussy rocked over his hairy thigh, dampening his leg.  She was wet even before he fondled her.  “Damn, Nadia.  You’re soaked.  Take that thong off.”

He traced the outline of her panties and tugged at the fabric with one hand.  He stroked her long, blonde hair with the other.  Nadia snapped the waistband of his briefs and said, “There’s no use taking mine off if you’re not gonna take yours off.”

Robert panicked.  His dick was limp under the underwear.  Surely Nadia could feel and see his lack of a hard-on, but he didn’t want to talk about it too.  “I can tell you’ve been eager for this,” he said.  “Probably even touching yourself before driving over here.”  Deflecting the topic usually was a good tactic.  If he could just change the subject he’d be okay.  Robert was sure obsessing about having an erection was the problem.  As soon as he could forget about trying, it’d happen.  If he could just focus on Nadia for awhile, he’d be ready to fuck in no time at all.  “Tell me about what you want to do.  You know I like talking dirty,” he said.

“Yeah.”  Nadia removed her panties by lifting her pelvis above his lap and threading one leg at a time out of them.  “I’m glad you like talking dirty,” she said.  “Because it’s been awhile since I’ve done that.”  She pressed her tits against Robert’s chest, and she whispered into his ear.  “I wanna fuck you so hard you’re gonna have the image of us in your head for days.”  She clenched her jaw, whistling through her teeth before biting roughly on Robert’s neck.  “Just like the time we were in the woods on that tree stump.”

“But I’m gonna need a little warming up first,” he said.  Robert cupped her full, round breasts in his hands.  They were just as wonderful as he remembered.  “Tell me more about how naughty you’ve been,” he said.

“Uh-huh,” Nadia said as she licked his nipples.  She sucked roughly before dismounting from his lap.  He watched as she knelt between his legs and then grasped the elastic of his underwear.  She slid them off once Robert lifted his hips.  Her expression said it all.  She didn’t want to talk anymore.  Instead, Nadia used a gliding motion with her tongue as she licked his balls and his cock.  What she was doing felt good, but Robert’s penis didn’t respond.  Nadia then took it into her mouth and used her lips over the shaft.  Robert grunted, mostly out of frustration.  He didn’t even achieve a partial erection.

His face burned with embarrassment as Nadia said, “What’s wrong?  You whack off earlier today before I called you or something?”

“No,” he said.  “I don’t know what’s going on.”  He pushed her head away from his balls.  “I’ll pleasure you though.”

They traded places.  Nadia sat on the couch, and Robert knelt between her legs.  He eased his middle finger and then his index finger inside her pussy while flicking her clit with his tongue.  Nadia always had been a gusher.  Robert closed his eyes as he licked between her clit and opening while finding her G-spot with his fingers.

“Right there,” she said.  Nadia’s breathing deepened, and she began panting after he found the right places with his fingers and tongue.

Robert smiled at her directness.  Why was it that his fuck buddy was okay with telling him exactly what she wanted and how she wanted it, but all the women he’d even remotely wanted to date long term couldn’t be as straight forward?  He liked it when women knew what they wanted.  Call a spade and spade and move on, he thought.

Robert curled his finger in the motion he usually used while beckoning someone to “come here,” while he returned to her clit with his mouth.  Nadia rested her legs on his shoulders as her hips rocked back and forth.  Her pussy squeezed around his fingers, the juicy flesh pulsing as she moaned, begging him not to stop.  Robert was frustrated that he couldn’t put his cock inside where his fingers were, but he didn’t want to break her concentration, so he brought her to climax manually and orally instead.

“Your turn,” Nadia said after she was sated.

“No, that’s alright.  I’m kinda not so much in the mood anymore,” he said.  “You’re right; I jerked off earlier before you called me.”  The lie stuck to the roof of his mouth like cotton candy as he spoke.  He turned away from Nadia.  As Robert lost sight of her in his peripheral vision, and he picked the socks off the floor, his cock hardened as soon as the falsehood left his mouth.  “What the fuck?” he said aloud.

“Huh?” Nadia said.  “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.”  The second lie caused his erection to grow harder, longer.  Damn, he wanted Nadia.  “I changed my mind,” he said.  Unsure if the fear of losing the opportunity was what changed his body’s response, Robert didn’t waste the opportunity.  Nadia was always a good lay, and she didn’t disappoint him when he asked to be pleasured.

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My Blue Lips

The first time Robert tried physical intimacy with a woman after Lilly’s curse was when he hooked up with a friend who’d been a former fuck buddy.  “Do you wanna hook up tonight for old time’s sake,” Nadia said during a random phone call one day.

“What do you mean by hook up?  A round of beer?  A night of dancing?  Be more specific,” he said.  Robert loved goading Nadia.

“Hook up, hook up.  I need a good lay.  You know how we used to be fuck buddies before I met Joe.  He and I broke up over six months ago, and I need to release some tension,” she said.  Nadia sounded like she was chewing gum as she talked.

“You don’t have to ask me twice.  You know where to find me.”  Robert wondered if Nadia was wearing anything.  It had been awhile since he last saw her, and she normally meant business when discussing sex.  He wondered why she and Joe broke up, but he didn’t ask.  Why ruin her desire to have a friendly fuck?

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My Blue Lips

“How are you doing?” George Peter asked.  Everyone called him G.P.

“Not too bad,” Robert said as he helped G.P. carve an ornate figurine that would eventually be part of a cuckoo clock.  Woodworking was the only thing he truly enjoyed doing with his father.  They’d never really bonded over things like fishing, hunting, or sports, but woodworking was G.P.’s business.  Ever since Robert was a young boy, he recalled how proud his father always seemed after he’d created anything nice out of wood.  Robert reached across the table to grab a carving tool.

“I heard from what you told your mother that one of your clients attacked you the other day.”  G.P. continued working on his own ornate piece as he spoke.  G.P. wasn’t a man of many words.  Whenever he worked on a project with his son, however, the words seemed to flow more freely.

“Attacked isn’t really the right word,” Robert said as he scraped a light line with his knife into the wing of the cuckoo bird.  Pine wasn’t his favorite wood, but his father had insisted this clock be solid pine except for the gears and other metal pieces.

“Then what would you call it?”  G.P. asked.  He stopped carving and manually sanded a rough spot on the side of the unpainted pendulum.  It would eventually hang from the bottom of the clock.

“My client threw some stuff but she wasn’t violent or anything.”  Robert tried not to sound defensive, but he was pretty sure his efforts weren’t working.

G.P.’s sanding took on a more elbow grease as he said, “A boy like you should take a few classes in conflict resolution.  Going to school is good for a businessman such as you.  I’m sure you must deal with potential situations before the clients get out of hand.”

Rather than argue with his father, Robert continued working the pine into the fully formed bird.  G.P. was usually right about most things, but Robert wasn’t a little boy anymore.  He didn’t like being told how to live his life.  He tentatively agreed to look into the cost of attending a conflict resolution course, doubting he’d actually enroll. Why bother?  Customers would show anger when claims were denied.  No class would change the fact he’d never be able to please everyone all the time.  The customer wasn’t always right, regardless of what customers believed.

Robert held the cuckoo up for his father’s approval.  “What do you think, Pop?”

“Looks good, my boy.  Might be the best bird you’ve carved yet.  It’s really unique.”

G.P. said the same thing every time Robert asked about one of his carvings.  Every one was Robert’s best carving in his father’s eyes.  In G.P.’s overly vocal opinion, Robert’s skills were as good as his own, but Robert knew better.  Carving was only a hobby for him.  For G.P. it was his whole livelihood.  No one would ever be as good a woodworker as G.P.

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