50% of submissive men are assfaces

Posted by unspeakableaxe on Tuesday Jan 6, 2009 Under axe

I’m on some pretty powerful pain pills right now so forgive me if I blabber on and on more than normal.

So yeah, 50% of submissive men are assfaces. I may be aiming a bit low on this one.

I’ve been hearing a lot of stories lately about how submissive men won’t show up when they have the opportunity to meet a woman.

While having coffee with a Femdom couple over the weekend, one told me that she can guarantee that over half of all potential submissive men won’t even show up for an initial meeting.

Could it be that most of these guys looking to meet someone aren’t actually looking to meet someone?

Another example came from a woman I know who had been in contact with a submissive for months, they spoke on the phone and he constantly stated his interest in her, how deeply he wanted to be her slave and how devoted he was to her (before even meeting her, that made her a bit suspicious of course) and every time she mentioned meeting he’d start sounding vague. Back and forth this would go.

There have been times when I’ve talked to someone on the phone after a few emails then lost interest after a conversation. That’s sort of the point of a phone conversation. But standing someone up or constantly leading them on?

I can only imagine a few reasons why a guy would do this.

-I get the feeling that most like the idea of it, they like to think about it but when it comes down to actually having an experience, they soil their pants and run the other way.

-They’re married or otherwise involved.

-They may be looking for any kind of sex as long as it’s sex, they’re not really submissive they’re just horny and when it’s time to put up or shut up, they shut up.

-They’re ashamed of who they are. I know many submissive men who daydream about BDSM but when they’re faced with something real, they’re filled with shame or guilt.

-They get off on the chase. For them it’s knowing that they could if they wanted to. This isn’t isolated among submissive men, I know women who chase men only to lose interest once they know they can easily get what they want.

-They’re just plain assfaces.


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Big News And Even Bigger News

Posted by unspeakableaxe on Friday Dec 19, 2008 Under Events, axe

There’s big news and even bigger news.

Over Eileen and Maymay’s blogs, I learned that they had a great idea for a new event here in NYC:

PLEASE COPY AND CROSSPOST THIS MESSAGE FREELY.

If you have already heard about KinkForAll through the grapevine, then please consider this email a reminder. If you haven’t, then please take a minute to scan this message. You’re receiving this message because someone trusts you to read it with an open mind. Smile! :)

Vitals
======

What: A no-limits sex-positive gender and sexuality unconference.
Why: To inspire a creative, interactive and open environment where everyone feels comfortable talking, learning, and being inspired by all kinds of sexuality.
When: March, 2009 (exact date yet to be determined)
Where: NYC (We’re still looking for a venue! Can you help? See ‘Get Involved,’ below!)
Who: Everyone
How much: Free (as in beer as well as freedom)

Details
=======

KinkForAll is an ad-hoc gathering born from the desire for people of the kink, queer, sex-positive and related communities to share and learn in an open environment. It is an intense event with discussions, presentations, and interaction from all participants. (It is inspired by the BarCamp community.)

ANYONE WITH SOMETHING TO CONTRIBUTE OR WITH THE DESIRE TO LEARN IS WELCOME AND INVITED TO JOIN. When you attend, be prepared to share with others. When you leave, be prepared to share it with the world.

A KinkForAll is a special kind of gathering because there are no spectators, only participants. Attendees must give a talk or a presentation, help with one, or otherwise volunteer/contribute in some way to support the event. This is called sharing and we like it. All presentations are scheduled the day they happen—there are no pre-scheduled presentations or keynote addresses. The people present at the event will select the presentations they want to see.

Anyone can present, on any topic related to sexuality. You do not necessarily have to teach a new skill or idea. You might share an experience, review a product, or read a poem. The goal is to start a discussion, make connections, and exchange knowledge. Presentations promoting specific commercial products or companies are discouraged.

Learn more about what to expect at
http://kinkforall.pbwiki.com/WhatToExpect

Learn more about the event guidelines at
http://kinkforall.pbwiki.com/TheRulesOfKinkForAll

Get Involved
============

We need your help in spreading the word. Please help by participating. Here’s how:

1. Get excited by reading the ideas on http://kinkforall.pbwiki.com/KinkForAllNewYorkCity
2. Add your name or handle to the list of participants
3. Join the mailing list and introduce yourself by emailing kinkforall@googlegroups.com

If you have access to a venue, or know someone who has access to a venue, please email the kinkforall@googlegroups.com mailing list with that information.

Still have questions? Read the Frequently Asked Questions at
http://kinkforall.pbwiki.com/FrequentlyAskedQuestions

or email kinkforall@googlegroups.com for more details.

KinkForAll Online
=================

Participate online before the event at your favorite social networking web site.

Homepage: http://KinkForAll.org
Google: http://groups.google.com/group/kinkforall
Twitter: http://twitter.com/KinkForAll
Identica: http://identi.ca/kinkforall
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/pages/KinkForAll/40066342762

All primary organizational efforts are being coordinated via the mailing list. Join for free and help turn ideas into realities!

http://groups.google.com/group/kinkforall

That’s the big news. What’s the bigger news? It immediately struck me that this would mean they would both be coming back to NYC.

See, Eileen had mentioned wanting to beat/torture me before leaving the country about a year ago but left town before it could happen.

I sent her a quick message asking if this meant she’d be coming back to NYC.

The answer was yes. The next thing she mentioned was that she wanted to play with me when she came to town.

Stop the press!


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Dark Odyssey

Posted by unspeakableaxe on Tuesday Dec 9, 2008 Under BDSM, Events, axe

I looked into going to Dark Odyssey on Valentines. I spoke to a few people about it, some said I really needed to go, others said it’s fun but not anything entirely different from what I’ve been to. It’s less BDSM focused than TESFest, Floating World, MAST and other events. Again I have no clue if Dark Odyssey would be my kinda thing or not. I did have an IM conversation with someone who has gone in the past:

Her: What do you want to experience at D.O.?

Me: I want to play with a woman I’m attracted to.

Her: Did you get any at Tes Fest?

Me: Define “get any”.

Her: Did you have any from of sex?

Me: No

Her: What were you going to say?

Me: Calico grabbed my butt for about a half a second and another woman helped me pick out a cock ring.

Her: Have you ever used the cock ring?

Me: No

Her: Money well spent. What about Floating World?

Me: No

Her: MAST?

Me: No

Her: What was your feeling coming away from all of these events?

Me: I think I said “I could have stayed at home and not had sex, why spend money to go somewhere and not have sex?”. It was nice to see friends though.

Her: You can see friends any time you want. I think you probably shouldn’t go to anything like this again unless you’re going with a woman who is going specifically to fuck you. I can see why you’d feel down after going to a weekend play party where everyone is having sex but you.

Me: Well, I wasn’t the only one not having sex.

Her: These places, they keep selling sex, you keep buying but you never get any. Are you stupid? Stop giving them their money! You would love D.O. if you had someone to fuck you but you don’t. Focus on looking for someone who wants to go with you, then you’ll have fun. Do you have any interest in the classes?

Me: Why would I want to go to a class and watch something that no one at the class will want to do to me? If I wanted to hear someone talk about something I’ll never experience, I’d go to church.

Her: Zing! You’re angry. I like you when you’re angry.

Me: Not angry, just feisty.

Her: I like you when you’re feisty then.

Me: I’m going to copy and paste this into my blog.

Her: You’re a big nerd for having a blog.

I should say that there have been many classes that I have enjoyed, but I was riled up at the moment.


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Massage As Service

Posted by unspeakableaxe on Friday Dec 5, 2008 Under Service, axe

Over the past month or so I’ve been giving a lot of massages.   Even as I type this my hands still smell like lavender massage oil.

In every circumstance it’s been a massage where nothing was expected in return. In most of those situations, nothing was returned.

I kinda like it that way.   

As with all forms of service, I don’t like the idea that I need to be rewarded for pleasing someone. Pleasing in itself is it’s own reward. It’s something I can usually do pretty well given the proper feedback from the person on the other end.

Most massages are strictly platonic. Sure there’s a hint of sexual tension what with the sexy noises (I swear I’m not the one doing it) and the skin on skin touching, but it’s still a way for me to please without being directly sexual.

Take tonight for example. I spent over an hour giving a long, deep tissue massage. While I did get turned on a few times, I was usually too focused on doing a good job to have my mind in the gutter. When it was time to go, we talked for a little while and I was on my way. I was smiling all the way home and yet didn’t have the reaction I was expecting. I was expecting to be turned on and frustrated but I was happier just knowing that she didn’t feel like she needed to repay me for a job well done.   

It’s a new experience for me, having a form of service that has more sexual overtones. It’s not like I’m naked while doing it but bringing physical pleasure to someone without it being directly sexual.

A few weeks ago I was visiting a friend who complained about a sore back. I very casually offered and later she accepted. She knows I’m submissive and knows that I find her attractive. I was glad that she felt comfortable enough with me and trusted me enough. I wasn’t a total angel. I did get turned on now and then but for the most part I was more emotionally turned on by the fact that she was trusting me and letting me serve her in that way. Plus the fact that I could do something to make her feel better put me in an amazing mood.

I don’t want to make it sound like I’m some expert by any means. There’s a lot I need to learn. I’m decent at giving deep, hard massages but my knowledge on how to work out a knot without digging in deep could use a lot of work.

One day I’d like to take a class. Add it to my list of things I can do to paper a woman.   

Maybe one day my list of skills would be enough to turn myself into a one-man-spa.

-Massage
-Manicure
-Pedicure
-?????

I’ve gotta think of more so it sounds more appealing.

Maybe I’m changing. There was a day when I couldn’t give a massage to a woman without thinking of having my face buried between her legs 100% of the time.

Now it’s only 75%.


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A Testament To Douchebaggery

Posted by unspeakableaxe on Tuesday Nov 18, 2008 Under BDSM, Submission, axe

I’ve been fighting with myself and others wether or not I should post this. It’s not something I’m proud of. Not my shining moment in the sun to say the least. I’ve decided to post it because I’ve learned something from it:

I answered their ad that mentioned they were looking for a submissive male to perform service for them. It would start out with cleaning and chores with a chance that it would lead to more sexual play.

We exchanged emails a few times, I answered their list of questions and they decided to meet me. I was excited to say the least. Finding not one but two women for service AND play? It seemed too good to be true.

It was too good to be true.

They wanted to meet at a sushi place on the Upper East Side, I arrived ten minutes early. They arrived thirty minutes late.

As soon as we sat down they started asking about me and my search for a dominant. The tall blonde suggested I shouldn’t have moved to New York from the midwest since it wouldn’t be any easier for me to meet anyone here. She said it as though she was bringing something to light that I didn’t know.

We briefly talked about what growing up on a farm was like. After I mentioned the fact that my father had to sell some his land, the blonde said “NO! Never sell land! That’s just not smart. You never sell land!”. She was pretty much calling my father an idiot. As though he had a choice in the matter. As though he had options.

“Yeah, I’ll be sure to tell him that when I talk to him next”, I said politely as I could while being sarcastic.

They asked about my friends in the lifestyle. The tall blonde assumed I had been to a professional. I told her I had never been but I did have friends who are.

“What are their names? I have a beef with a few Pro Dommes”

“I’d rather not say. I don’t feel comfortable name-dropping. and I don’t think they’d appreciate me using their names as a reference without asking them first.” She looked angry and I added “If it’s a deal breaker, I understand”. The last thing I wanted was to get a call from a friend saying “Why is this nutjob calling me?”

I was then asked what my budget was for dinner.

“Um. Nothing? I’m sorry, I didn’t know you wanted me to pay for dinner. I won’t be eating anything since I’m tight on cash. I’m sorry for the misunderstanding.”

I was then told that it was a given that I would pay. “It’s just good manners”, the tall blonde said.

Later the brunette would tell me that she had never been on a date with a man who didn’t pay. She looked at me with disapproval.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know this was a date. I thought this was more of an interview for possible service. If you want me to go to the ATM and get twenty bucks I will”.

“See? That’s just rude. Then you’re putting the responsibility on me to say yes or no. You should just offer to do it”.

At that point I was glad that I didn’t go and get some cash. I was torn. I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt as I hoped they were giving me. Maybe they were having a bad day or maybe they really hated me for some reason.

We talked about my experience with service. I mentioned my positives and negatives (folding fitted sheets). I mentioned how I wasn’t looking for play in return for service, that I’m not the type to make mistakes on purpose in hopes of being punished. If they wanted to play that would be great but I wanted them to know I enjoy service for the sake of pleasing. They seemed semi-interested but it was hard to read them. I mention that I was looking for someone who liked the idea of a man in service to them and not someone who didn’t care who did it as long as it got done.

We parted ways and I emailed them to thank them for their time and wished them luck on their search if they weren’t interested in me.

One of them replied saying: “I found you to be rude and cheap and your presence ruined my meal. It was a testament to charity and patience that I did not leave sooner.”

Oh? And what is it a testament to that you would send such an response to someone who just thanked you for your time?

I’m wondering why I didn’t just leave earlier. Why didn’t I excuse myself the second I realized they were not what I was looking for? Why did I give them the benefit of the doubt? It seemed clear fifteen minutes into it that they weren’t interested. Why do I consistently find myself in these situations and never learn to avoid them? The warning signs are there. I just need to open my eyes. Or not block my eyes with my cock.

It’s been a while since this happened. I’m not angry at them anymore nor am I hurt by the experience. I’m willing to accept blame for this one. I should have made it clear that I was in no position to pay for their meal before meeting them. We’re still living in a universe where some women will feel I need to pay them for the right to clean for them.

There are some dominant women who use their dominance as an excuse to treat men like they’re a dime a dozen (probably because we’re a dime a dozen).

The most rewarding service I’ve ever performed was to someone who required me to bring a receipt for anything I bought while in service. It was clear that my service was the important thing, not my money. I was providing what they saw was the most valuable thing possible: my sweat, dedication and sincerity.

The most rewarding sexual relationships I’ve had have been from those who wanted to be with me for my body or for my mind (sometimes both). Once again it was my sweat, dedication and sincerity that they valued most.


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Please Explain….

Posted by unspeakableaxe on Wednesday Nov 12, 2008 Under BDSM, Dom/me, axe

From a profile on collarme:

“I am a dominant woman who likes men that are out of control. I come from a religious Jewish background. I have a fetish for LEGITIMATE antisemitic men who are willing to submit to me. Bonus for skinheads or kkk or membership to anygroup like that. Prison records and recovering adicts are also a plus. Blue collar workers, rough around the edges young looking and thin are a must. You dont need to still be a complete mess…..but I need that in your past.

I am cute and thin (size 6) gym figure, pretty face and looking for young (under age 30) serriously real antisemitic, for humiliation play, lifestyle controls and ….possible ownership for the right person. Lets just say I have a fetish for extracting submission from people that out of control and may even hate me. No “yes mistress” types please…..I only get off on the reality of topping people who are really ambivalent about their surrender to me. Hate me, resent me….but do it from my feet and hate yourself more for your descent”

Can someone please explain this to me???

Anyone??


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From Client To Personal Fucktoy

Posted by unspeakableaxe on Saturday Nov 8, 2008 Under BDSM, Pro-Dom/me, axe

I’ve been encouraged to go to a Professional Dominatrix by a number of lifestyle friends. Not for the experience of playing with one but in the hopes that she would meet me and want to maker me her personal slave or boyfriend. I’ve talked about this subject before of course. Some have told me it’s a bad idea but many have proven that it actually does work. As I’ve mentioned before, a majority of submissive men I personally know in relationships, are former clients.

This subject popped in my brain again recently when a Pro I know mentioned it:

“I find that the BEST relationships are in fact those that go from client to personal. Because there is this anonymity that sessions allow and somehow encourage honesty. Then the bonds are slowly formed without any of the b.s. vanilla that tends to creep in and take away from what really forms that connection with the other person.”

Peridot Ash has me confused on the subject. In one post called “Angry About Clients Seeking Girlfriends” she writes:

“I told him the first time that I do not date my clients, and that includes dinner outside of sessions! Obviously he wasn’t listening when I said that he should keep trying the personals. When I said that it was not easy for me to find my boyfriend (I don’t really have a boyfriend, as you know, but it’s usually the only reason a man respects when it comes to you not wanting to date him), since most men would want me to quit and become their own personal 24/7 domina slave queen (hint, hint).”

Yet in another post she writes:

“Anyway, because he was so attractive, I did what many johns do when they fancy the looks of their paid companion: began conjuring up fantasies of dating, molding him into my perfect little submissive anal sex boy just because I thought he was attractive, not wondering at all about the life he leads in reality. But catching a glimpse of his wedding ring pretty much put a stop to my predatory thoughts.”

Speaking as someone who’d love to be molded into the perfect little submissive almost-any-kind-of-sex boy, my eyebrows raised a bit on this one.

I should say that I’m no where near being in a situation that would allow me to become a client or a boyfriend for that matter, but the day may come where I am. If that day ever does come I’ll have to consider becoming a client and hope that she’ll find me attractive enough to want to mold me.


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Two Halloween Parties

Posted by unspeakableaxe on Sunday Nov 2, 2008 Under Events, Fetish, Latex, Submission, axe

I went to two different Halloween parties, two very different experiences but both very good.

All week I looked and looked for something that goes with this:

IMG_1404.jpg

Someone suggested PVC pants but I’ve never worn PVC before. Others said black jeans would do. One person suggested I go without pants entirely.

I went for the usual: Leather pants and a black t-shirt. My homage to Steve Jobs and every hair band from the 80’s.

The first party was filled with warm friendly faces, big smiles, great costumes (other than my own) and good conversation. It’s one of those places where you know you’ll be around the kind of people you’d bring with you if you were going to colonize mars. Someone greeted me and I had no clue who it was at first since she was covered from head to toe in latex. I found myself in a circle of friends talking about everything from bad movie ideas to politics.

There was a moment where I had a brief out of body experience, realizing how very different things were for me now compared to when I first move to New York and didn’t know anyone. I felt lucky, grateful and warm. Thanksgiving came on Halloween.

Afterwards I headed to smack. Smack is a massive fetish party featuring people in latex, leather and anything else you can imagine. It’s important to note that it’s more fetish than bdsm. There’s some play going on but it’s mostly for show. There I was, a guy going to a fetish party with two of my best friends, one dressed as a sexy wild strawberry and the other as a seductive geisha. There are few things better than watching your friend dressed as a strawberry get her groove on while guys stare from across the room.

A few people were engaged in kinky play. Some were sincere, others were clearly putting on a show. I saw an older couple in the play area having a very hot scene. They were really into it. She wince and arched her back in a way you could tell she was barely aware that there were hundreds of people dancing around her. Downstairs I saw two women “playing”. If anything they were playing to the crowd rather than each other. The woman playing the part of submissive seemed more interested in seeing how the crowd reacted to her reactions. It felt like I was watching bad porn.

There were a few posers there, people acting like they were King Shit of Fuck Mountain. The people who act like they’re doing everyone a favor by letting us be in the same room with them. Its a funny thing to see.

I’m not sure if it was the music, the overcrowded club or the fact that I was also trying to get over being sick but I decided to head home. On my way out I ran into a friend who was sporting her brand new short PVC red dress. I tried not to stare, gave her a hug and tried to think of non-sexy things since hiding an erection while wearing leather pants is almost impossible. We talked for a bit but I left before her date returned with their drinks.

Jumping on the subway I felt less out of place than I normally do when dressed that way. I was sitting next to a drunk guy in a bunny suit and a coed in a catholic school girl uniform.

I made it home, took some nyquil and as I undressed I received a text message from the friend in the short red PVC dress:

“You are an idiot. You should have stayed…I’m a bit hornier than expected. It’s probably good that you left…in a way. If I were a man you would have been promptly raped. I would have lured you into a dark alley…”.


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Tales Of Jerk-offery

Posted by unspeakableaxe on Wednesday Oct 29, 2008 Under axe

Tilda wrote about a recent experience of hers that still has my jaw on the floor.

Go ahead and read it. I’ll wait.

…..

Holy shit, right?

Insane!

She has a number of stories like that, all well written and extremely sexy. I highly suggest you read her stuff. All of it.

The very idea that stuff like that happens is so far beyond me. I guarantee the next time I see her I’ll be asking her I’ll be asking a ton of questions.

How does that happen? Do I need to sign up for a club? What god do I have to pray to in order to make that happen? How does a plan like that come together? Was it your ideas or his/theirs?

Reading it I couldn’t help but wonder what it would be like if I were in her shoes (or in her blindfold) and the dudes were replaced by women.

Even if I knew someone who could make something like that happen I don’t know how I’d bring it up in conversation. It would make for an awkward phone call.

“How’s your week been going? Good? Great. So I was wondering if you could setup an gangbang where women would come in and fuck me while I’m blindfolded and use me like a piece of meat. What’s that? Yeah, I’m free on Monday. Should I bring lube or …. Oh, ok, Lube and condoms. Anything else? Sure you can borrow my DVD collection of the BBC’s Office. Yeah, it’s much better than the American version. OK see you at the gangbang.”

I’ve decided to officially add this fantasy to my big mental rolodex of things that I jerk off to.


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Why Pay more?

Posted by unspeakableaxe on Tuesday Oct 28, 2008 Under Events, axe

I’ve subscribed to the google calendar of Nycaltevents. There’s TONS of event listings on there and when you combine it with the events list I subscribe to from Conversio Virium, my calendar is filled with kink, poly and swinger events.

I was browsing through and noticed this:

paddles.jpg

I knew that events at Paddles always ran more for men than women, but I’ve never really understood why.

$5 for women and $25 for men? Guys pay five times more?

Obviously this isn’t the only event that does this. I don’t blame them for doing it. I just don’t understand why. There are plenty of events where women get in free but men need to take out a mortgage, sell some plasma and put your autographed photo of Ted Knight up on ebay.

200810281941.jpg

I’ll miss you Ted.

So why do men have to pay more?

The main argument seems to be that women aren’t willing to pay more but men will. It’s not worth it for women to shell out extra cash.

Why not? There’s kinky stuff going on, don’t women want to be part of it as much as men? Is the desire less? They’re desire to go to an event ends at paying more than five bucks but men have five times the desire so they’ll pay 25?

The other argument is that men won’t show up if women don’t show up. Doesn’t the same logic say that if men don’t show up, then women won’t show up? Besides, when I first moved here I went to Paddles a number of times where it was just me and a bunch of guys standing around despite the discount price for women.

On the other hand I’ll be going to Smack on Friday where everyone pays the same price and there’s usually a 50/50 ratio of men to women. It’s more fetish than BDSM, maybe that’s why more women show up. There’s less sexual stuff going on.

Perhaps it goes back to the age old question: If women are just as into this stuff as men, where are these women? Why are men paying a hundred bucks to get into a swingers event and women can walk in for free? Are the men like myself who want to go to events like these so horrible and disgusting that the only way a woman will go is if she has nothing better to do?

I posed this question via twitter and a few people responded.

“Also, men are more willing to pay for sexual stimulation. More female prostitutes than male. Is it fair? No. But reality.”

“Instead of viewing it as a higher charge, look at it as a discount for women (which is what it is.) Doesn’t help you, tho.”

“Specifically to annoy you. No other reason.”

Maymay gave me some of his wisdom via twitter. “The reason kink/fetish events are cheaper for women is blatantly obvious: sexism. Women are products, men are the consumers.”

Oh how I wish this wasn’t true. If only I were being the one consumed and used like a product.


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