Kinky Sex Link

A friend asked to interview me to mark the first anniversary episode of the Masocast.

I said yes.

It means a lot to me that so many continue to download, comment, email, call and contribute to the podcast.

A special thanks to my friend who convinced me to be interviewed for it and took the time to sit down in front of a mic with me.

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Or listen directly on the Masocast website.

It’s in the early evening Saturday, the hockey game is on in the background and I have my heavy collar on which is connected by a chain to the table. There isn’t much slack available as the chain are simply metal ankle cuffs. PG e-mailed and checked in with a call to give me the tasks with all the details. I’m allowed to be on my laptop and I figured it would be a nice touch to write this as I’m locked in.

It’s proving to be a bit difficult as I don’t have much slack but having my movement and freedom limiting is powerful. I needed a sip of water but had to struggle to reach it. It was a challenge and next time I’ll remember to move the water closer.  I’m helpless and and can only move as much as the chain will until it’s time for me to be unlocked. All I can do is rest here, be on my laptop and think about him and the restrictions that I’m under.

I like being restricted like this. I’m forced to stay here for the full hour and if (which I haven’t) forgot and tried to get up, I would get a quick reminder of his control over me. I’m wondering what we are going to do tomorrow. I really want to try to play tomorrow in some form, if he allows it. I miss being treated like his slut, whore or whatever else he wants me to be. To be pushed, sweaty and fall over in exhaustion when the day is done. I know we will have to take it easy but hopefully if I’m good and present myself naked, collar on and in position when he enters, we will be able to explore what we can do during this recovery process. I believe I’m healed enough for some play.

Our D/s relationship comes very naturally but the most important and beautiful thing is that it’s not holding me back and actually makes me feel more free. If something is up, I can easily bring it up. It can be something as simple as I’ve had a tough day at work and I really would like to be bratty and feisty, he supports it and encourages me or it can be something more serious and he is there for me.

I would love to keep writing but my time is up and I have to get unlocked. It’s amazing how slow I write when I’m locked in and my movements are restricted.

Challenges make life interesting, however, overcoming them is what makes life meaningful. – Mark Twain

Life has taken some unanticipated and less than desired turns as of late. There has been heartbreak and revelation, tears and trying moments, pity parties and plain ole bad days. But there’s also been processing and introspection, with a focus on how to do it better next time.

BDSM as a mechanism for personal growth never ceases to amaze me. Didn’t we get into this thing for the sex and the rush? For lots, yep.. that’s why we started. But for many of us it was just a springboard to looking deeper within ourselves to begin defining who we are, what we want, and other such things. Come for the sex, stay for the growth.

I thought I knew what  wanted from a submissive, from a partner. Things like control, power, structure, protocol, etc. Those things are still there. But recent developments have made me sit back and wonder, ‘What was missing? Why did things fall apart? What is it I wanted and didn’t know I wanted? What name does it bear?’

The answer came to me much more quickly than I would have expected: Devotion.

Forgetting the religious aspects of the word, the devotion I speak of here is defined as:

Yep, that’s it all right.

For me, this was one of those elementary, foundational ‘this is just how you do it’ kind of things. I assumed anyone who identified as submissive intrinsically felt this, simply because that’s always how I’d viewed it. It’s like teaching someone to wash their hands, you don’t always think to include telling them ‘now use soap..’ because it seems so obvious to you. But again with that self growth thing.. and a big part of that in BDSM and poly dynamics is realizing that we each bring our own histories and thoughts to an experience. Often this means words and concepts do not always mean the same to people as they do to you.

So we have the textbook definition of devotion, now what does that look like in real time and in relation to submission?  Here is a part of what it looks like to me:

• To want and desire with a full heart
• To set apart and above all things when practical
• To view or be viewed as special
• To think of that person and their needs and wants before your own a majority of the time and with consistency
• To act in an anticipatory manner so that the needs and wants of the person are met before a request is needed
• To look upon or be looked upon with eyes that are longing and eager to please
• To think of the self last
• To sacrifice personal comfort or wants for the other
• To be dedicated to making sure the other’s needs and desires are met
• To do all that is asked with sincerity and depth
• To perform with grace and enthusiasm for the greater cause
• To be transparent in communication and relaying emotional information
• To place one’s own well being and comfort in the hands of another after great thought and great trust with abandon
• Surrender of one’s will

There are others of course.. but the overall theme here is clear: to place another above yourself from a place of a desire.

Lest it seem I am asking for the moon, I am not unreasonable or entertaining visions of a god complex. If there are practical things like jobs, livelihoods, children, families, primary partners, emergencies, etc.. to be tended to then those should be seen to. But when at all possible, which actually is a goodly portion of the time; I want to be wanted, actively seeken out, to be served with enthusiasm, to have control freely given to me, to have someone be grateful for the effort I expend on them and return it in kind and more. I want someone who is devoted to me and my best interest.

This is how I have always approached a D/s dynamic as a submissive. I thought everyone did it the same way in this regard. Clearly, I needed to define it more. This is how I serve my Dominant. As a Dominant, this is how I want a submissive to serve me. Now that I have a more specific definition of it, I’ll be able to communicate this from the beginning for my next interaction.

New mistakes will be made in any future dynamic I enter into to be sure, but this one will be more easily intergrated I hope.

~kim

Kink In Motion

Posted from www.alpinesubdreams.com

Two Wednesdays ago was very special night. For the longest time, I’ve wanted a VCH (vertical clitoral hood) piercing but for one reason or another I never got it done.

PG knew that I’ve wanted to get it done and we were discussing that one night. It started out simple, I brought it up that I would like to do it with him there with me. Over the course of our conversations and the closer we become, the thought was mentioned to make it a special ceremony between us. As soon as I heard it, I knew it was right.

We knew we wanted it to be special and as sexy as piercing stores are, it wouldn’t of been the right atmosphere for us. We wanted it to be some place special to us. We also wanted the person who was doing the person to understand the D/s element of it and at the very least be comfortable and understanding with it. We found that with the best piercer in Vancouver who understood all of that.

The more we talked about it and waited, the more it meant. It’s a commitment to each other and to our relationship. Even though, we are both poly, we have a special relationship and bond.

After some organizing and patiently waiting, Wednesday night was here. We went out for sushi and headed back to my place for some intimate bonding before getting ready.  After setting up the sling, showering and bonding the cell phone rang and we were only minutes away.

That’s when I got nervous, this meant so much to us and was a significant act. When I get nervous (and happy) I giggle a lot. PG was great and supportive. He relaxed me, tied a breast harness on me and gave me a lot of kisses and hugs. The time came and I was in the sling, legs spread and PG standing beside me while holding my hand.

After I was cleaned, PG took the time to say some very sweet words which will remain private. It was really sweet and touching. My heart melted and feelings of love came rushing into me. It also left me speechless.

I was told to remember what this means and take deep breaths. There was a wow oh fuck when the needle went in. A couple of seconds later, the jewelry went in. I laid in the sling embracing the feelings with PG right there. The sensations rushing in me. After gaining a bit of composure, we talked about different things about the piercing such as how to clean it (urine is the fine) and about how long we would have to wait for certain activities.

The adrenaline rush hit me and I was bouncing all over the place. After saying goodbye to the amazing piercer, we spent the rest of the night together and celebrating our new commitment.

It was a magic and special night between us. The emotions, love and adrenaline was running high. This is surely a night that we will both remember and a special piece of metal in me that displays it.

Crossposted from Lair of the Dragon Mage.

The internet has a zillion and four different ‘resources’ for those looking to explore BDSM. But it seems everytime I go looking for information, inspiration, or illumination I seem to run into the same conumdrum over and over:

Of those zillion and four resources, a good 90%  of those resources have to do with submission.

Bare in mind that 87% of all statistics are made up on the spot. Meaning that obviously this is just my subjective view. But it does seem that there are very few resources, or at least few of them that are easily accessible, that are geared toward Dominance and even fewer that are geared toward switching.

Be the change you want to see and all.

I am a self identified switch. I live 24/7 with my male Dominant partner and primary SO. I am the owner of male submissive in a power exchange relationship. We are all some variation of poly and kinky. I am also bisexual. I top any number of folks regardless of gender. I bottom to others based on interpersonal dynamics, again without gender being a factor. I give workshops and lectures on switching.. so in as much as there is such a thing as ‘qualifications’ when it comes to writing about BDSM topics, I can speak to switching pretty readily.

Below is the basic outline in Q&A style of my Switching Roundtable Workshop. It’s by no means comprehensive, but a decent jumping off point for issues some switches may encounter:

• What is a switch/ your definition of a switch? At its most basic level, a switch is simply someone who enjoys both topping and bottoming, both giving and receiving sensation and/or both weilding control or being controlled within a consentual and negotiated scene and/or power exchange. The roles may or may not be static within each partnership, scene, relationship, etc.
• Do you think you have to bottom  50% of the time and top 50% of the time to beconsidered a ‘true’ switch? Absolutely not. I know people who switch mid scene and back again, people who are Dominant 99% of the time and only bottom once in a blue moon or vice versa, and people who bottom only for certain activities and top only for others. It’s all very fluid and each one is just as much of a switch as the other. Self identifying as a switch is a personal choice and should be taken at face value when the label is applied.
  
• Is there such a thing as a ‘true’ switch? In my esitmation there is no such thing as a ‘true’ (meaning all encompassing or ‘total’ or ‘natural’ or other terms which get thrown about with irritating regularity) anything in this lifestyle. Its all fluid, organic and ever evolving on every level. If a person likes being on top sometimes and on bottom others, then the role of switch seems applicable.
• Do you feel a sense of ownership with the word ’switch’ itself (like some Masters, slaves, etc.. seem to do). This is my favorite question on this list. You see alot of arguments & debates over what constitutes a submisisive vs slave vs bottom, or a top vs a Dominant vs a Master.. but you never really see the same level of ownership or ‘fight to protect the word’ mentality over the term switch. Maybe its because as switches we engage in both of the aforementioned debates? Or because the headspace is specific to each interaction? I’m not sure. But, no.. I personally dont have a stake in the ‘ownership’ of the word switch. But then again I dont beleive in telling anyone esle how they should view anything in this lifestyle. I know what it means to me (see above definition) and I am happy to share that,but I am also happy to have that information integrated as each person sees fit as best for them. And here is where the inflammatory part comes in: I do, by and large find that alot of switches share this view and I do think its because of our switchy nature that we are sometimes more inclined towards not having hard and fast rules in alot of areas that other BDSM self identity lables have.
• What is your opinion of those who only apply the label of ’switch’ to themselves soley to ‘fit in’ with a particular group or to catch the eye of a particular partner? This was a new issue that cropped up this year. Seems there was a growing contingent of folks who would purposely call themselves switches not because of their preferred manner of play or power exchange, but rather to not limit partners. As in ‘ooh I like Bobby and he’s Dominant so I wont let him know I really like to beat up boys, so I’ll just call myself a switch and be vague about it and he’ll never know and maybe he will hook up with me’. Like I said, I dont really feel entitled to determine who can and cannot call themselves a switch, but I am never a fan of behavior that is unfair, untrue, manipulative or herd like. So if your motivation for labeling yourself as a switch is simply to ‘fit in’ with a person or person and deny your own self and desires.. well that’s never a formula for successful self exploration and it will always come back to haunt you in some way.
• Do you have different aspects of yourself manifest depending on what you are doing in a particular scene? (different names, styles of dress, mannerisms, etc…) This one is highly personal and invidual and changes from person to person. So I’ll speak for myself. I feel much more toppy in leather pants than i do in frilly skirts. I know its a product of gender roles in my upbringing, but its there. I enjoy playing with it and pushing those imprints, but they do exist for me. In scene I call my Dominant ‘Sir’, at home its ’sweetie’ or his given name. My submissive refers to me as ‘My Lady’, my Dominant calls me ‘mia’ or ‘mine’. I try to say please and thank you no matter what the occassion, but the tone is slightly more montone or matter of fact when addressing my pet. I get the door for my Dominant and expect my sub to do the same for me (which can be quite amsuing when we are all three out together). In short, yes.. different mannerisms and speech do change depending on the interaction. And this is where switches really shine: no matter what the role and how it manifests, each bit is 100% ME.
• If you have a committed partner,do you have problems watching them switch roles (if applicable)? Do they have issues seeing you in different headspaces? Why or why not? My Dominant was a switch when we got together. Since then, he now identifies solely as Dominant. I have always told him should he feel the need to bottom he certainly can do so without needed input from me (which is kinda what Dominant means!) but that I cant witness it. I am happy for him to engage in whatever he needs, but it would wreck my view of him as Dominant for me to have that visual in my head. I personally need my view of him to remain as all Dom all the time. I have no idea why that is but I know that it IS how it is for me.  Many MANY people are not like me. And this view of mine is only applicable to him. I see many folks switch all the time and never blink twice when they interact with me in either capacity. Now, my submissive is not at all like me. He has seen, sees me, bottom all the time and it in no way affects his view of me as his owner. Again, its a highly individual thing and each is as valid as the next.
• Do you find you are treated differently than others in the community who define themselves as top OR bottom? As if since you havent chosen ‘one’ you are disregarded partially or completely? If yes, whydo you think that is? I find that alot of folks in the scene just have no idea how to interact with switches. They seem to have very clearly delineated views on how to treat tops or bottoms, but they get twitchy when dealing with switches. Its easy to call Lord So and So ‘Sir’ at a munch, or to ask ’slave mary’ to get you a coffee.. but then someone like me walks up and its all fumbling over honorifics and the like. For a community that loves to cry out words like ‘etiquette’ and ‘protocol’ so many seem to forget the very basics. People are just that: people. And deserve to be treated as such. Until a negotiated power exchange is communicated in some way, just be polite and respectful. The rest flows from there. Of course there will always be those who dont believe switches ‘really exist’ and therefore generally behave less than politely as a result. But I generally have no desire to interact with someone who chooses to be so disrespectful and intolerant anyway, so its of little bother to simply ignore them.
• Do you find that the ‘community’ tends to place gender identification markers to tops & bottoms (ex:submissive = female) and how does it view those who do not fit into these models(male subs are less of a man? for example) Gender affects most every aspect of our society, BDSM is no different. I do think in some BDSM circles it is slightly more forward thinking, but not all. Its still pretty common to hear a femme top referred to as ‘butchy’ or ‘dyke-ish’ (terms I wear with all kinds of pride BTW, but this is meant to be taken in a derogatory way) or to hear a male bottom referred to as ’sissyish’ or ‘effeminate’. Any kind of ‘put down’ based on nothing more than gender is sure to irritate me. So as much as I wish our ‘community’ simply accepted people based on their non physical attributes, it isnt always that way. What can be done about it? Again, be the change you wish to see.. Start with yourself and do not attribute lables to people based on what is or isnt between their legs. I have a male Dominant AND a male submissive. Outside of those dynamics I play primarily (although not exclusively) with girls. I care about the connection between people based on personality and energy. The only time gender enters into it is when I need to know whether to break out the condoms or the dental dams.
• What is your response to the following statements:
  • There is no such thing as a switch – I stand before you, ergo, yes Virginia there is such a thing as a switch.
  • You just havent made up your mind yet – yes i have and my decision is that i have no desire to limit myself in any capacity
  • You just havent had the right Dom yet - I have and he is wonderful enough to see the benefit to us both in my exploring everything i can
• What is your favorite part about being a switch? The fact that I can be whatever I choose to be moment to moment. Some days I want to order people around, others I want to be catered to. Some days I feel like beating someone black and blue, others I need to hit subspace myself. I like that I can be fluid and open to whatever the universe sends my way.
• What is your least favorite part about being a switch? Changing up headspaces can be challenging, especially in a short timeframe. It can and is done, and often gracefully so. But as with anything of value, there are times when it is a struggle.

~kim

Kink In Motion

Crossposted from Lair of the Dragon Mage.

(Cross posted from Lair of the Dragon Mage)

(This story was inspired in part by a Twitter conversation I had with @WyldeKyttin. A chance comment on her part gave me a seed of an idea. The idea blossomed later that day, and I started writing when I got home. This story is the result. I hope you like it. )

They grin at each other as he parks his car in a dark corner of the employee parking lot behind the gym. She turns her head and looks at him and asks again, “Are you sure you won’t get into trouble for this?”

“I have keys and alarm codes, little one. A benefit of being the manager. And tonight, I’ll also get the benefits of being your personal trainer,” he says with a smile.

They walk casually across the parking lot, trading playful kisses on the way to the back door of the building. She waits as he opens the door and slips inside to disarm the alarm. When the beeping stops, he opens the door to let her into the dimly lit building, bringing the small duffel bag with them. He leads her to the men’s locker room and they find a pair of empty lockers. They open the lockers and undress, placing their street clothes into the lockers. She reaches for the duffel but he takes her hand and pulls her close for a kiss.

“You don’t need to get into that bag, little one.”

She starts to explain, “I need to put on my workout clothes,” but he cuts her off: “You are in your workout clothes for tonight.”

Her eyes widen as it dawns on her what he considers some of his benefits of being her trainer would be.

He takes her hand and turns towards the locker room exit, picking up the duffel bag as he leads her towards the workout floor, neither of them wearing anything but their shoes. She starts to turn towards the cardio equipment, expecting to start her workout on the treadmill as usual, but he leads her towards the strength machines instead.

“This workout will be a bit different, little one,” he says as they walk out onto the mat in the center of the large strength circuit. “We’ll need to stretch a bit to start.”  He stands next to her and they help each other stretch out, following the pattern that they had used many times before: her hands on his arms or legs to provide resistance as he stretches, and then his hands on her arms and legs. This time, however, his hands wander over her body to places he wouldn’t normally touch when the gym was occupied, and his touches get her heart going almost as well as a short cardio workout.

When they finish their stretching routine, he looks at her and says with a grin, “Ok, I think you’re warmed up enough now.” He lightly touches the back of her neck and then traces his fingertip around to her throat and down between her breasts.  He follows the curve of her body back up and around and laughs as she shivers from the feather-like touch. She pretends to pout when he laughs, and he smiles at her as he runs his finger around her nipple which hardens at his touch.  He takes her nipple between two fingers and pinches, just enough to hold on, and then he begins to walk towards the weight machines, leading her by tugging her nipple.  He leads her to the dual axis pull down machine, opens the duffel bag and removes a towel which he drapes on the seat, then waits as she adjusts the height of the seat and sits down. He leans in close and kisses her, and then turns and removes some rope from the duffel bag.

He walks around to the side of the machine and tells her to hold onto the handles. She looks questioningly at the rope in his hands, but stretches her arms up and takes hold of the handles. He slowly ties the rope around her wrists and the handles of the machine, and then kneels beside the machine, using the remaining length of rope to tie her ankles to the metal legs. He moves around the seat of the machine and pulls the pin from the weight stack, replacing it at the highest weight: nearly 300 pounds.

“That should keep you still for a bit,” He says as he returns to the duffel, taking out a deerskin flogger. He stands behind the machine, his eyes wandering over the lines and curves of her body as she sits with her back and arms stretched up to hold onto the handles. He swings the flogger gently, smiling as the flinches when the tips of the falls flick over her back. He swings again and again, each pass of the flogger bringing the falls a little closer, each pass letting more of the deerskin touch her her skin, each pass landing with a little more force until the large room is filled with the thuds of the flogger striking her back. He settles into a rhythm, swinging the flogger with practiced ease, always watching her reaction, always listening to the sound of the flogger, and to the sounds of his partner. On some swings, he leans in closer, letting the flogger strike her side so that the deerskin wraps around her taughtly stretched body to land on her breasts, the tips stinging her nipples.

He watches her, judging her reaction, and when her breathing changes, he slows the flogger, pulling back so that only the tips touch her, lightly brushing over her reddened skin. As she begins to slump against the rope, he stops. He steps in close and lifts her arms, untying the rope to release her hands from the handles and supporting her as her arms fall. She leans against him for several moments until she can catch her breath, and then sits up. He kneels beside her to release her feet and gather up the rope and flogger before standing up again. He helps her to stand and removes the towel from the seat, noting the damp spot with a laugh.

He sees the question in her eyes, and answers before she can ask, “There is more, little one. Time for the next machine.”  He leads her to the prone leg curl, laying the towel over the pads and helping her get into place face down on the machine. He pulls the rope from the duffel again, using it to secure her hands to the handles, and her legs to the lift bar.  He pulls a small rattan cane out of the duffel and stands next to the machine, laying the rattan across his lover’s exposed ass.

He lifts the cane and taps it lightly across her flesh, teasing her with each touch until he has the feel for the angle. He lifts his arm and waits for half a breath before letting it drop. As his arm comes down, he flicks his wrist, snapping the rattan sharply across her ass.

She gasps and jumps as much as the rope will allow as the rattan kisses her backside with a fiery sting, and then quickly sucks in another breath as he lifts his arm again, waiting for him to swing and jumping again as the cane lands with another stinging stripe.

He flicks the cane up and down, each swing leaving a pink welt across the pale skin of her buttocks, each touch of the rattan causing her to jump. He turns his hand and flicks his wrist, the cane crossing another mark and leaving a X shaped welt.  He flicks his wrist several more times, leaving welts over most of her ass and even a few on her upper thighs.

She breathes deeply as he sets the cane aside, the pain of the rattan having already pushed her into that floating place in her head. She allows her eyes to close as she lays across the pads of the weight machine and feels the sting of the cane welts start to sink in. Her eyes open in shock as the welts on her ass begin to burn again. She tries to focus on the sensation and slowly recognizes the pricking of his pinwheel as he rolls it on the cane welts.

The quiet of the gym is broken by her sudden cry, “That hurts!”

He laughs at her and puts a hand on her back, holding her down as he continues to slowly roll the pinwheel over the welts on her ass. When he has traced every cane welt with the wheel, he puts it back into the duffel bag and stands up again. He walks around to the front of the machine and stands there waiting.

She doesn’t hear him moving, and she doesn’t feel any new sensations, so she lifts her head and looks up, and finds herself eye level with his erect cock. She sighs as she feels his fingers twine into her hair, and then gasps as he pulls, lifting her head.

He tugs her hair, lifting her head a little higher, then steps closer, brushing his cock against her full lips. “Open up, little one,” he whispers to her. He pushes as her lips part, slowly sliding his cock into her mouth until he is almost completely inside of her. He grins as she wraps her lips around him, and then he slowly moves his hips back, withdrawing from her mouth until the tip of his cock is between her lips.  He moves his hips again, a little faster, forward and back, sliding his cock in and out, faster and harder until he is fucking her mouth.

He twists his fingers tighter into her hair and pushes forward, pressing his cock into her mouth as deeply as he can, reveling in the feeling as she fights to not gag.  He pulls out a little, letting her take a breath, then shoves himself into her throat again, holding her head in place with her hair. He pulls back again, waiting for her to suck in a ragged breath and pushes once more, holding himself as deeply inside her mouth as he can, holding her hair tightly to she can’t move.  He smiles as he feels her stop trying to pull away, as he feels her throat relax and accept him, and he slowly pulls back, sliding out of her mouth and releasing her hair.  He kneels in front of the machine, looks into her now eyes, now glassy and wide, and says, “Good girl.”

He loosens the rope gently, rubbing her ankles and wrists as the rope is removed. He trails kisses from her ankle up the back of her leg, nipping lightly at the welts on her ass before tracing the line of kisses up her back to her neck. She shivers as his lips touch her already sensitive skin.

He carefully helps her to her feet, holding her close and feeling his desire grow at the touch of her skin on his. He takes her face in his hands and lifts her chin, kissing her tenderly.  “Time for the next machine, little one,” he says and leads her around the path, stopping at the fly machine. He places the towel on the seat and helps her sit down, tieing her hands to the handles. He puts the pin into the weight stack at the heaviest weight, ensuring that she can’t move her arms and then steps back.  He kneels in front of her, leaning close and kissing her lips as his fingers brush over her skin.  He leans down, brushing his lips over her nipples as his hands glide down to her thighs, stroking lightly.

She shivers as his lips touch her nipples, and yelps as she feels his teeth on her.  Willingly, she opens her legs as his fingers stroke her thighs, and she arches her hips towards his fingers as they move closer to her center. He moves his hands over her inner thighs, moving closer but not touching her pussy, pulling back every time she pushes her hips closer to him.  He straightens his back and kisses her neck as his hand moves closer and closer, finally brushing his fingertips down her slit. She gasps and arches her back at the touch, and he bites her the base of her neck where it curves out to her shoulder.

Her gasp becomes a moan as his fingers touch her more firmly, and her moan fades to a sigh as he pulls them away again.  He kisses her ear softly, and then whispers, “Don’t come, little one. Not until I say.” She groans her understanding of his command and he kisses her mouth to quiet the groan.

He traces his finger from her knee up her thigh and continues, following the contours of her body, letting them lead him to where she wants him to touch her. He dips his head down and kisses the base of her throat as his finger find the wetness between her legs and slowly push inside. His free hand caresses her breast as his mouth captures hers once again, his tongue mimicking the movements of his finger.  The sensations threaten to overwhelm her, pushing her closer to orgasm with each passing minute.

He continues his assault on her body and senses, watching her respond to his touch, waiting for just the right moment. As he feels her body tense in preparation for orgasm, he stops and leans back, not touching her at all, only watching.  For a moment, there is silence: neither of them even breath, but the silence is broken by her moan of disappointment.

He smiles at her, leaning forward and dropping his head lower, kissing her thighs and then biting. She closes her legs around his head as his teeth mark her flesh and he reaches up quickly, slapping her leg to remind her to keep them where he put them. She slowly opens her legs again, and he turns his head, pushing forward until his mouth finds her pussy, already wet from the evening’s workout. His tongue follows her lips, lightly touching and teasing, up and down, until it brushes her clitoris. She jumps at the expected but surprising touch but quickly rolls her hips forward, pushing her pussy towards his mouth, but he backs away, maintaining only a light, teasing touch.

He pulls back, looking into her eyes with a smile as she begins to voice her disappointment. He holds her eyes with his as he slowly moves his mouth closer to her, a little at a time until his tongue is almost touching her pussy again, and then he waits. He waits until she begins to move her hips again, and as she rocks her hips to get closer to his mouth, he moves that last little bit, covers her clit with his mouth and gently sucks. Her hips begin to buck, pushing against him as he sucks harder and flicks the tip of his tongue across her clit. He watches her face as she tries to hold back her orgasm, stopping in time for her to follow his instructions.

He stands up and kisses her, his tongue sliding between her lips allowing her to taste herself on his tongue, and then unties her wrists and helps her to stand up again. He walks her around the path past a few machines until they get to the reclining leg press, and he helps her to lie on her back on the pad. “Keep your feet on the floor for a moment, little one,” he says as she starts to pick her feet up to put them on the foot plate. “I need to make a quick adjustment.”

He puts the pin in the weight stack at the lightest setting and then opens the bag and pulls out some pieces of wood, some tape, her strap-on harness and a large dildo. He uses tape to hold a stack of several pieces wood on the footplate, and then arranges the harness around the footplate and the wood blocks. “Now put your feet up here, little one,” he instructs her. She lifts her feet and places them on the foot plate.  He takes the dildo and lines it up with her pussy. “Now lift the weights.” He puts the dildo into the harness lined up so the tip is barely touching her pussy when her legs are straightened.

“Let it back down slowly, love,” he says, and she slowly bends her knees, moaning as the dildo impales her. “Ah, good. That will do. Now, little one, it’s time to work those legs.” he tells her with a smile. She looks at him, her eyes wide, waiting, but he only watches her until she begins to move her legs. Each lift causing the dildo to slip almost all the way out of her cunt, and each return pushing it back inside of her.

“This is a low weight, little one, so do three sets of twelve to fifteen.” She looks at him, her eyes begging, asking what she dares not voice. “And,” he continues, “You better not come until I give you permission.” He counts her repetitions through three sets, and tells her to lift one more time when she reaches the last one. He kisses her mouth and whispers, “Good girl,” in her ear before removing the dildo and allowing her to relax as he removes his additions to the machine.

He puts everything but the towel back into the duffel and then helps her up from the pad. “There is one more we need to visit tonight, lover,” he says as she leans on him to stay upright. He helps her to the next place on the circuit: The free leg-lift. He holds her up while she steps onto the foot bars and puts her arms on the pads. He stands in front of her and says, “Now, little one, you need to lift your legs.”

She lifts her legs up and he moves in close enough that his body is touching hers. He steps up onto the foot bars slowly. “Put your legs around me, lover,” he whispers. She slides her legs around his waist as he touches his cock to her wet cunt. “Let yourself down just a bit now,” he breathes in her ear. She relaxes her arms as he stands up straight, sliding his cock inside of her. He looks into her eyes and kisses her as he begins to rock his hips. She uses her legs to pull him deeper inside of her, working her hips to meet his thrusting. He feels her body begin to tense as the evening’s play threatens to overwhelm her. He thrusts faster and harder, pushing her towards the climax he has been denying her all night, watching as she does her best to hold it off, as she does her best to obey. He bites her neck just under her ear and grins as she moans, and then when he feels that she is as close as she can get without losing control, he whispers in her ear, “Come for me, little one.”

Her body shudders and her legs tighten around him, pulling his cock deeper into her pussy as the orgasm washes over her like a wave. He waits for the shuddering to slow, for her body to relax a little, and then begins thrusting again. He bites her neck and shoulder as she works hard to hold onto the frame. He feels himself coming close to his own orgasm and kisses her mouth before asking, “Are you ready for another one?”

She nods, and he rocks his hips faster, thrusting into her pussy as fast as he can now. He feels his orgasm start to build, and knows he can’t hold back any longer. He whispers through ragged breaths in her ear, “Come with me, little one,” and he kisses her. Her body shudders and stiffens again as another orgasm takes her. He feels her come and allows that to push him over the edge into his own orgasm.

They stay there for moments that feel like hours, holding the feeling of being completely one as long as they can.  He feels her arms begin to shake from holding herself up, so he carefully steps down from the frame and helps her down. They sit on the mat, touching and kissing for several minutes as she gets her balance back enough to stand.

As he helps her back to the locker room, he turns and asks, “Did you like this workout, lover?”

Dragon Mage

There are a few topics that seem to never get ‘resolved’ and thus are destined to forever be brought up over and over ad infinitum in BDSM theory. This is almost definitely a good thing. Its also most decidedly puzzling and complex, especially when one is trying to define themselves in the words of these discussions which are ever evolving. One of the ones that I don’t think willl ever cease to be discussed is that of what defines a submissive vs. what defines a slave?

I myself have puzzled over it time and time again. I WAS pretty comfy calling myself a submissive (in my bottomy headspace at least, as I am a switch). I had looked at all the ‘arguments’ and took stock in my own comfort levels in how the terms ‘fit’ me and came to the conclusion that sub was the best match for me. Many MANY people scoff at even that as I am fairly ‘not traditional subby material’,  outwardly at least. Behind closed doors is always a different matter. But this isnt about ‘them’, its about me and my search and journey through this vocabulary maze.

I attended a workshop on the matter at Unholy Harvest (which, btw, you should definitely check out next year!) this year where this topic was discussed. The topic came up AGAIN later that week in two different circles.In these conversations all my thinking was rather turned on its head. Prior to, I had placed myself firmly in the middle of the bottomy trifecta. Its not a competition, but so many view this whole thing rather like post graduate degrees:

• To be a bottom is to have your BA/BS
• To be a submissive is to have your Masters (oh the irony!)
• To be a slave is to have your PhD

(The view often is that a slave is ‘better’ than a sub because she is more devoted in some way. Its unspoken but palpable that slavery is the goal, submission is either posing or just a sto along the way to that goal. In short, submission is oft seen as inferior in some way.)

After the conference and following conversations, it seems ’slave’ may actually be a better fit.

Is this the result of the deepening of my submission? That after 3 years with my Dominant that only now my head space has fully embraced surrender? Not a chance. Not a darn thing has changed between he & I. All thats changed is my perspective on the other perspectives out there.

I googled sub vs slave and found 3 articles that sum up the basic arguments between all the debate. Please read them in their entirety if you wish but here I am only going to quote the parts that speak to what I have stated above so as to illustrate where I found the  points of interest that changed my perspective.

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(this is written as ‘here is what they said, how does that apply to how I self identify?’ this is not a judgement call on how anyone else views things nor is it an exhaustive list of arguments or the only way to define this stuff, just how I puzzle it out for myself)

• As a sub: ‘However you have your opinions and your choices and you can still make them’;’ you have more of an option to stop’; ‘Say you do the dishes and pay the bills, these things usually are still under your control’; ‘A submissive obeys and serves by choosing to do so each time and retains her will.  A slave initially makes a choice to obey her Master at all times and then submits to the will of her Master at all times.‘ – Ah the ‘brainwash’ argument. The theory goes that the slave is SO enslaved they cannot think in terms of ‘will i do this?’ and only do things on autopilot. I disagree. All the self identifying slaves that I know and respect all still make conscious decisions every day, they just always end up deciding to do what Master says because that is the life they choose. When you do the dishes, even if you ‘wouldnt think of NOT doing them’ its still you making your hands do the work. ergo: concious choice. I dont think any slave has ever woken up from some fog and said ‘awesome! those dishes got done!’. You know what are doing and WHY you are doing it, that isnt brainwashing.. its choice. And subs and slaves both do that. Verdict for me? nuetral
• ‘in a submissive role although you give up the control the power is really still 50/50 just in a different setting and under more intense circumstances‘ – First, I dont agree with this.. but for arguments sake:  I do feel a fair bit of control in my relationship but its because thats what makes his life easier and he ALWAYS has final say. That means I really have very little of the control, if any. Verdict for me? According to this, I’m a slave
• ‘Sex is usually a large part of this relationship and mostly where the submission enters in’ – well sex is a large part of ALOT of relationships, BDSM or not  so that isnt really an accurate qualifier. But alot do feel sex is the only place a submissive is submissive. Well, that aint the case here. Its more overt in our sex but its always there, 24/7. Verdict for me? Slave
• ‘Slaves usually are slaves 24/7. They may work but when they get home there is no distinction from normal day to a BDSM day, that person is always a slave from the day they ask for that.’ – Yup, that sounds like my life. Verdict for me? Slave
• ‘A submissive accepts submission, while a slave accepts obedience’; ‘The submissive is a volunteer.The slave is not a volunteer.’ – Oh dear. If you submit to and carry out your Sir’s every order, you are obeying it. And we are talking BDSM slavery not actual ‘take you in the night and force you to work under pain of death’ type slavery here. We are all volunteers. Verdict for me? This one is a non issue completely. Nuetral
• ‘A submissive often has a list of conditions, rules, and limits that a Dominant is required to agree to before entering a session or relationship.‘ ‘Their submission may be quite limited in range, for example, they may only want and desire to release their submission in a limited fashion, for short amounts of time and within tightly confined arena’s. This type of submissive will generally carry a long list of rules, boundaries, limits, requirements etc. which they require the Dominant to agree to prior to engaging their submissive aspect within the relationship.’ - Limits? you betcha. I do not want my arm getting hacked off with a chainsaw thank you very much. Conditions and rules? Not a chance. Verdict for me? Slave (because I firmly believe NOONE, slave or not, is cool with the chainsaw scenario. i dont care how hard core you think you are)
• ‘the Master may have total control, then once the period is over, control returns to the submissive.  The Master only borrows control of the submissive and to the extent the submissive wishes and she controls her submission.’ This, to me, is a bottom. Verdict? Nuetral
• ‘If the focus is on self then you are a submissive, if the focus is on your Master, then you are a slave.’ – I still think focus on self = bottom, focus on Master = sub or slave. But going by this then, verdict for me? Slave
• ‘Being a slave means you are willing to be molded to fit her Master’s needs and to serve him’.; ‘Her attention is on his happiness. A Master is responsible for the needs and happiness of a slave.  She gives him authority over her needs and happiness.  However, a slave is responsible to communicate those needs and feelings.  The limits of the Master become the limits of the slave.’ - Yup, this would be me. Verdict for me? Slave
• ‘Often a slave is given great responsibilities within the relationship. They are given a general framework of limits and direction and expected to act within them using their own resources and abilities.  A slave is often asked to express her thoughts on issues or problems, but realizes that the final decision is always her Master’s. The decision made by her Master becomes absolute for her.’ – Yup, this would be me. Verdict for me? Slave
• ‘…the person that calls themselves submissive who prefers to seek out only casual contacts.’ – Nope, not me. When I do this I consider it bottoming, submission or slavery is not a part of it. Verdict for me? Slave

There is more, and I could go on and on. But this is really the way most of it seems to be going. Every single ‘hallmark of slavery’ (with the exception of no limits which I just personally do not believe exists for anyone) seems to be what I have been referring to as submission. So I should start calling myself a slave, yes?

Not really. The term slave, while now proven applicable, just doesnt seem to fit me. Its like that dress you see and try on and, yeah it fits, but not as well as you’d like. And as someone told me whilst giving me shopping advice one day, ‘if you dont love it, dont buy it.’ I dont love the term slave for me. So I’ll keep my submissive moniker.

And really, all of this is for naught. These terms are fluid, personal, individual and ever changing. So in the end its what feels right for each person and all the rhetoric and dogma surrounding it just doesnt matter. Be who you are and be happy in it. Let others be who they are and them be happy in that. Maybe your views dont totally line up but.. now here is the REAL kicker for slavery: If what you do and how you identify pleases your Dominant/Sir/Master/Owner/Mistress/etc.. that other person’s views have no bearing on your dynamic, so go engage in and enjoy that dynamic in your way.

As my wise friend giving the workshop so eloquently summed all this up:

‘I am begining to wonder if the red herring in all of it is trying to compare D/s and M/s and whether that just muddles the thoughts – where a comparison between power exchange and non power exchange might lead to more interesting analysis??
D/s and M/s are like crunchy versus smooth peanut butter they are much the same and hard to distinguish and yet….some how different to those that are questing for one specifically.’

Amen. I used to be a smooth kinda girl, these days its crunchy. Either way its yummy and I’ll take more please and thank you.

~kim

kink_in_motion

(my apologies for length, i cannot figure out how to cut these entries!)