My new article about why men fake orgasms is up at Alternet. Here’s the link and a blurb:

Why Men Fake Orgasms
http://www.alternet.org/sex/144729/why_men_fake_orgasms

Many women would be surprised to learn that men often fake orgasms. But why? Our limited, patriarchal view of sexuality, of course.

If you thought that only women faked orgasms, you’d be wrong. Plenty of men fake their way out of the sack. How on earth can a guy even fake an orgasm? What is he going to do, spray dish detergent and try to pass it off as semen? More importantly, why would a man want to pull off this kind of bluff?

OTHER ARTICLES AT ALTERNET

My Husband Can’t Get It Up — But We Still Have Viagra-Free Sex
(Reprint from Sexis Magazine)
http://www.alternet.org/story/142807/my_husband_can%27t_get_it_up_–_but_we_still_have_viagra-free_sex/

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Whodathunkit? When Dr. Alan Hirsch, the founder and neurological director of the Smell & Taste Treatment and Research Foundation in Chicago studied smells, he found that certain smells bring about arousal in men. One of those smells is perfect for Thanksgiving Day – pumpkin pie.

In one study of 31 men (who were, oddly enough, all recruited from a solicitation on “classic rock radio broadcasts”) the researchers found that while all scents had a positive impact on sexual arousal, certain smells impacted penile blood flow more than others. What smell got guys most hot and bothered? Pumpkin pie and lavender topped the charts, increasing penile blood flow and average of 40% compared to their base line state. Here are some of the other scents and how they measured up (taken from the Foundation website):

Lavender and pumpkin pie: 40%
Doughnut and black licorice: 31.5%
Doughnut and cola: 12.5%
Lily of the valley: 11%
Buttered popcorn: 9%
Cranberry: 2%

The good doctor also found scents that turn women on. Want to know what they are? Check my blog post on the subject to find out!

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From PamperedPenny.com.

I love using diapers for chastity. I suppose that, yes, one can be made to cum in a diaper, but the idea is just really hot. I think it builds on a few different points.

The Practicality

First of all, it locks the genitals away, which is really the point with most chastity devices, but it does so in a really obvious way. Some chastity devices out there, especially those for men, are meant to be discreet, and so are diapers, but if someone sees a little bulge in a guy’s pants, they’re just going to assume he’s hung like a moose, which gets him noticed for the wrong reasons. However, if he’s wearing a diaper and has a very paddy bottom or a little diaper waddle and people notice, he’s going to be ashamed at the attention. I’ve seen guys swagger in their CB3000s and I don’t think it’s because they were proud of being owned, as they have claimed. No one knew they were wearing a device outside of the men’s room and even there they could easily be discreet.

Which is another point. It may make someone feel slave-ish to wear a chastity device, but with a diaper, there’s automatic humility. There’s also little question of the person just taking it off, even though it’s much easier. I think it’s a mental thing. You just don’t change your own diaper–at least not without permission anyway–but there are no cultural rules or assumptions for chastity devices. And a lot of times with guys in chastity, it seems like they’re always trying to think of a way to get it off without my noticing. It can be a fun game, but most of the time, if I’ve claimed his right to orgasm, I don’t want to have to check up on him constantly. Plus, there’s the bathroom issue. A guy wearing a diaper in a public restroom really can’t hide it. If he’s been allowed to go in to use the toilet or something (I don’t change messy diapers), everyone’s going to hear that plasticy sound as he untapes himself, reminding him that he’s not like these other guys who can wear what they want and jerk off when they please. That diaper humility is priceless when it comes to chastity training.

Besides the humility, a diapered chastity boy tends to be really sweet and submissive, even cute. He’s very devoted and absolutely adores his key holder Mommy. And, like most women, I really enjoy a completely devoted little sub boy. And who is a guy more devoted to than his domme Mommy? Diapering is a really intimate process that just reinforces the intimacy of giving up control of your own orgasms (or having it taken away).

And the diaper doesn’t hinder an erection either. For me a lot of chastity is about tease and denial, rather than alleviating the libido. What’s the point of denying someone orgasm if they don’t want to cum anyway, right? Plus, I like to see the bulge of a diapered erection.

Enforcing Chastity

I’ve seen a number of message boards where guys talk about wearing their chastity devices under their diapers, but I prefer to use either locking plastic pants over the diapers or locking diaper pins. I just don’t relish the idea of having to clean the chastity device every time the wearer wets his diaper and plus it gets all gooey and then the goo rubs all over everything. Just not something I’m especially into.

A karada (japanese rope body harness tie) works well, too, but what I’ve always thought would work best, though I can’t verify it because I don’t own one yet, would be a women’s chastity belt. I do have the AB harness with diaper attachment, which locks, but isn’t meant to be worn under the clothes, like a chastity belt could be. (ReinCheck.com makes AB harnesses, too, but they don’t have a bit to go between the legs.) And, if you do want to play games, checking the tapes for evidence of tampering is another good way to monitor a diapered chastity boy’s commitment to his training.

Overall, I think that the diaper is a really under-represented means to chastity. It does pop up sometimes, but I think diaper chastity should be bigger than it is, especially among humiliation afficionadoes.

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Using Cloth Diapers

Posted by pamperedpenny on Friday Sep 18, 2009 Under AB/DL, Education & Information, Mommies/Daddies, Penny Play

I found this piece on using cloth diapers, showing how to use the twist fold on a teddy bear. It’s really cute and, while directed more at parents than ABDLs, you should definitely still read it if you have any interest in cloth diapers. Not so sure about sending them a dollar, though. That sounds kinda weird, especially since it looks like they stopped maintaining the site nine years ago and some of the pages are broken or just kinda odd (A month’s supply of food in a box under your bed!). Enjoy the read! It also goes beyond just diapering, which is something a lot of ABDL sites don’t do. Enjoy!

Diapered teddy bear

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I’ve been asked numerous times what my family and friends think of my sex writing and erotic stories. It’s a very popular question.

Statia says I’m going to get her in so much trouble because she loves to talk. I just laughed at that since she’s a sassy Southern belle who writes hot, erotic romance. When it comes to life, she takes no prisoners, and that’s cool. Her boys are sixteen, fifteen, and eleven, and she says they think all mom thinks about is sex since she writes very hot, torrid romances.

She laughs at that, knowing that they are right.

I’m the stoic New England hottie. My son is in college now, and he knows I’m a sex writer, but he’s so shy he won’t talk to me about it. He’s happy I’m successful at my career, though. As long as I let him play World of Warcraft when he comes home to visit, he doesn’t care what I do.

I’m jealous of Casey. Her daughter edits her books. I doubt I’d ever get my son to even look at my articles on Sex Is Magazine. He’d be mortified. He has always been shy, so covering his eyes when he gets a load of what I write doesn’t surprise me in the least. On the other hand, Casey’s son deleted her from his MySpace page for a brief period because he was embarrassed by the cover of one of her books. He said “no naked butts”. Ruby writes erotic romance and horror. Her mother is dead, but she knows her mother must be turning over in her grave over what she writes; not so much the sex scenes but the blue language.

The reactions aren’t always so pleasant. One of Statia’s oldest friends dumped her when she found out what she wrote, and that former friend still sends her prayers through e-mail as if he very soul is now the property of The Devil. I haven’t told my parents what I write. My mother is a born-again Christian, and she would have a coronary if she knew. She knows I make my living as a writer, but she has no idea what I write. I prefer to keep my sex writing quiet to avoid the disapproval I know I get if she ever got wind of one of my sexy stories.

Why are Americans, in particular, more comfortable with violence in movies and television, but show a naked breast or a penis, and the censors gets their dander up? Attitudes in Europe and the U. K. are much healthier than what you find in Puritan New England.

I have two works of fiction out now. One is my paranormal erotic romance novel “The Haunting Of The Sandpiper Inn”. If you like scares and spooks with hot sex, this is the book for you. For more information, including blurb, excerpt, and buy information, go to this link.

I also have a short erotic story out with Xcite Books in the UK. The story is called “The Beautiful Move In Curves”, and it’s about big, beautiful women and the men who love them. The entire book, “Ultimate Curves”, is dedicated to big, beautiful women. For more information about this book, go to this link.

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Maybe

Posted by ldyraven on Tuesday Jul 28, 2009 Under D/s, Dom/me, Education & Information

At work I am three out of a staff of 21 who are over 40 years old. It wasn’t always like that but due to restructuring and the like it now is. One of my favorite sayings at the job to some staff members is:

“I know your world began when you were born, but understand a lot of things were here before you got here”. Meaning they are not the only ones living in the world. Or the world doesn’t revolve around them.

Another one is “I wasn’t born this big.” This is usually the reply when I say something that they are shocked to hear from me. I wasn’t born this big is a statement of fact one and is a way of saying I’ve lived longer and have experience they yet to have.

I too have suffered at times when I was younger believing I was the only one who might have thought a certain way. But with time and meeting people I’ve found as my mother would say “you’re not the only one who thinks that.” And she was right. She too wasn’t born that big.

So it really should not have come as a surprise reading a blog that I came across where the young lady with some help wrote up a list of 8 things a dominant woman wanted. The list is a good one and although I’ve as well as others even before the internet have had conversations such as this over the years; I understand it’s new to her. And that’s cool.

But what made me jerk my knee wasn’t the list, but some of what was written in the disclaimer, she wrote “The list probably applies mostly in America, and possibly only on the coasts, and maybe even only to educated, geeky, 20-something, queer-identified dominant women. This is why we welcome reader feedback and peer review!”

Since the word “maybe” is in the above sentence my knee jerk didn’t knock my laptop off its stand. This got me thinking about my own journey, with life. When I was growing up if you were luck, someone older then you would take you under their wing. This was a great opportunity to learn may things and depending on the person and their circle of friends could be one hell of an education. I consider myself one of the lucky ones who had this kind of education.

So, maybe the person doesn’t socialize with people over 20 something? Or maybe they do? Maybe they have no interest in hearing the opinion of people who aren’t 20 something. (I’m assuming here because they asked for peer review. And since I’m not their peer and don’t see an email address to give my thoughts to the discussion, I’d have to reply to the post directly). But, and this is something I’ve heard far too many times with people two generations below me. They don’t have a need to be taken under anyone’s wing. Except with people like themselves, this is like the blind leading the blind.

I can’t help but remember what a young man who said :”I don’t need to be taught by someone I will just learn.” I don’t know how he would learn and not want to be taught but…

Here’s something to ponder “No one was born knowing what they know now. We all had to be taught either through trial and error, or by someone. Being taught by some one does a lot better then have to call 911 because of an error.”

But what do I know I might be wrong? And I’m cool with that… maybe

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Hosting 2 workshops at Sin Academy

Posted by Mystress Lady Evyl on Saturday Jul 18, 2009 Under BDSM, D/s, DIY Toys, Dungeons, Education & Information, Events, Mystress Lady Evyl, News, Workshops

x-post from Mystress Lady Evyl

Great news, today I confirmed 2 workshops I will be giving at Club Sin. Both are part of the Sin Academy, an informative hour prior to the evening’s festivities. Click on the links to RSVP on Fetlife.

BUDGET BDSM: TOY CRAFT AND PERVERTIBLES

How to be frugal by making your toys and using pervertibles: with Lady Evyl

date: Friday, October 02, 2009
time: 09:00 PM to 10:00 PM
where: Cabaret Cleo
address: 1230 St-Laurent (2ème étage), Montreal, Quebec

There is a myth that to be a good BDSM player you have to have lots of equipment, many expensive implements and a well stocked dungeon in which to play. But for those who are exploring, experimenting, or just don’t have $200 to shell out for a flogger, there are alternatives.

By being creative and crafty you can learn to make many of your required toys for play, and all this on a budget. I’ll show you what basic tools you need, explain a few techniques and give you a resource list to get you going. I will also share with you ideas of converting everyday items into play toys, called pervertibles.

WHAT IS PROTOCOL?

Learning to develop the proper communicative skills in the D/s community: with Lady Evyl

date: Friday, December 04, 2009
time: 09:00 PM to 10:00 PM
where: Cabaret Cleo
address: 1230 St-Laurent (2ème étage), Montreal, Quebec

We all have heard about protocol – the unofficial rules of respect, discretion, and honor that we’re all supposed to know before we enter a specific group, society or even a 2 person relationship.

Within our community the basic ones are D/s Protocol, Play Protocol and Dungeon Protocol. Yet so many people are unclear on this subject.

In this workshop we’ll cover the basics of these different protocols, training methods, and philosophies.

You can also RSVP on Facebook, look up the events affiliated with the Sin Academy

Mystress Lady Evyl

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Seriously?

Posted by Mystress Lady Evyl on Thursday Jul 16, 2009 Under D/s, Education & Information, Orgasm Control

x-post from Mystress Lady Evyl

God sometimes my mind is just baffeled when I read messages some subs send. The comments I hear sometimes are outrageous and so funny in their stupidity! Here is the latest one:

“once I cum It’s hard for me to maintain a submissive status. the game ends then”

OK so in other words once you got what you want you don’t give a shit anymore about being a sub…gee, I think some slept though D/s 101.

A while back I toyed with the idea of a BDSM version of don’t date him girl. But I quickly dropped the idea cause it does have a childish, icky feeling to it (although some boys really deserve to be on it). But now I have a new idea. How about just 1 page devoted to stupid comments submissives or dominants may say during online exchanges, both male or female. I am sure I am not the only one that comes across moronic jewels.

What do you think? Good idea, bad idea? Share some comments to you got in a comment below…keep it anonymous please as to who the pert was!

Mystress Lady Evyl

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Ms160 explores the art of Quilling

Posted by Mistress160 on Wednesday Jul 15, 2009 Under Education & Information, Mistress 160

This post is part of the
Body Modification Series
and Edgeplay Series.
Please don’t read it if you are not
interested in learning about:
needle play
temporary piercings
play piercings

“The huntress’ prey kept his eyes closed and his body still … The next moment he was in utter agony, his back lifting off the ground in furious pain and fear as far as his body could go, straining against the stakes. What had the woman done to him? Was he now gelded?

“The huntress calmly inserted a second porcupine quill into the soft hairless skin of the prey’s balls. The quills had entered cleanly, with little blood. She waited until the agony of the prey receded and his body became less taut before inserting a third, then a fourth … one quill after another until her personal pattern formed. It burned, it stung! The prey’s mind was fire and ice, but he still uttered no sound…”

The text above is from a hunt and capture story I wrote a while back, when I first became interested in quilling. I wasn’t sure if I could ever recreate the scene I was describing – or whether such a scene was even possible – but the idea of using quills sure turned me on…

What’s quilling, you ask? It’s a form of edgeplay, a type of temporary play piercing, where real porcupine quills are used instead of needles.  Read More

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Hypnosis for Regression

Posted by pamperedpenny on Tuesday Jul 14, 2009 Under AB/DL, Age Play, Education & Information, Hypnosis, Penny Play

regression hypnosis watchRecently I’ve really been getting into erotic hypnosis. I just did a podcast about it and of course I just started a new series of hypnosis videos, though I’m a little iffy about how effective they’re going to be with just regular audio. (I’m thinking of doing the next one with a regular video intro and then recording an MP3 and putting it over a slideshow of suggestive images, since I can’t post regression or diaper fetish MP3s on NiteFlirt.)

I use hypnosis in my sessions, but I wanted to clarify exactly what happens when you’re “age regressed” via hypnosis. Basically it’s a way of breaking down your barriers and allowing you to revisit your childhood, while part of yourself still remains in control and adult.

I know that this sort of ruins the fantasy for some, but let me explain. There is no way to mentally time travel back to youth, and if there was, it would be irresponsible to do so. If you were mentally a child, you couldn’t really use your safe word and a lot of the things that took place during the session would definitely scar you. ^_^ It would be wrong.

Still, a number of people I’ve played with insist that they were genuinely mentally regressed. It’s great that they feel that way, but it’s just not the case. It’s been pretty well documented that all of the puerile affectations of regressed adults are just a layer of “baby” brushed over their regular adult personas. It’s discussed in this article by Dr. Campbell Perry, posted below. He also talks about the “hidden observer” effect, which describes the part of you that stays objective when you’re hypnotised and adult when you’re regressed. It’s really interesting and explains better than I could.

That’s not to say that the place of hypnosis in the ABDL setting is relegated to an aid in regression, though I really do find it helpful. I also like to use it as a way of enhancing or implanting a diaper fetish, though I really only do this in private sessions, since if anyone is going to see me for a pro session, chances are they already have a pretty serious diaper fetish. But as with any hypnosis, the inductee has to go into the trance wanting to be programmed to love diapers or wetting them or whatever we agree on.

Anyway, here’s that article. I hope you read and enjoy it!

Does hypnotic age regression produce historically accurate memories?

Hypnotic age regression involves the hypnotized person’s ability to “relive” an earlier period of his/her life. It is to be distinguished from thinking about the past, or remembering it; the age regressed person experiences being a younger age in a subjectively vivid and compelling manner, and this is accompanied, quite often, by what appear to be age appropriate changes in voice, mannerisms and handwriting. Although the age regressed person’s behavior can be very convincing subjectively, that is no guarantee of the historical accuracy of anything that a person recalls about his/her past during age regression.

Orne (1951) reports the case of a German-born experimental subject, regressed to age six, when he spoke no English. Drawings that he had made at that age were compared to ones he made when hypnotically regressed to age six, including two drawings he completed while age regressed after he had seen his actual productions of that age. The drawings reported in this study are reproduced in Figure 2. Although the age regressed drawings were certainly child-like, Karen Machover, a clinical psychologist with expertise in children’s drawings described them as “sophisticated oversimplifications;” that is, their child-like quality was appropriate to a chronological age greater than the age to which he had been regressed. There are many other demonstrations of this basic observation that novel information, elicited in hypnotic age regression, cannot be taken at face value; it needs, always to be corroborated by independent means before it can be deemed as factual.

drawings of age-regressed subject, A B
C D
E F
G H

Figure 2. Drawings by an experimental subject at the age of 6 years, age regressed to 6 years, and out of hypnosis while imagining what he might have drawn at age 6 (from Orne, 1951).

A. Original drawings at age 6.
B. Drawings done when age regressed to 6 years.
C. Drawings done 2 weeks later when age regressed to 6 years a second time.
D. Drawings done when age regressed to 6 years after seeing the originals prior to hypnosis.
E. Drawings done while age regressed after awakening and repeated showing of the originals in the awake state.
F. Drawings done while age regressed to age 6 after the originals were shown during hypnosis.
G. Drawing done in a waking imagination condition when asked to imagine how he might have drawn at the age of 6 years.
H. Dictation written while age regressed to 6 years. Note the superficial resemblance to a child’s writing.

It has been found, also, that people respond differentially to hypnotic age regression. Approximately 50% of individuals who are able to experience it report duality. When questioned about their subjective experience, they indicate that they felt both adult and child (either simultaneously, or in alternation). The remaining 50% report a quasi-literal regression; they state that they really felt that they were the suggested age, and had no sense of being an adult (Perry & Walsh, 197. The only hypnotic item with which this differential response to age regression correlates is the “hidden observer” effect (E. R. Hilgard, 1977), which seeks to index dissociation.

From this, there is a suggestion here that dissociation is, also, a differential phenomenon, at least among those who are able to experience it. Current evidence suggests that it is found, almost exclusively, among high hypnotizables — that is the top 10-15% of the population. It is possible, however, that with the development of dissociation measures that are less difficult psychometrically, more people of moderate hypnotizability will be found to experience milder forms of dissociation.

(For those interested in further reading on the subject of age regression, the following is suggested: Nash, M. (1987) What, if anything, is regressed about hypnotic age regression? Psychological Bulletin, 102, (1) 42-52.)

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