Kinky Sex Link

While I love writing about sex toys, my true love is erotic fiction. I will appear several times on Beth Wylde’s Yahoo Group this month talking about GLBT issues and promoting my books, in particular “Feral Heat” (m/m/f, m/m), “Lost In Her Mouth” (f/f), “Neighbors” (f/f), and my upcoming June 11, 2010 release “The Fountain Of Youth” (m/m).

Here’s the link to Beth’s Yahoo group:

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/bethwylde

My release party for “The Fountain Of Youth” will be on Beth’s group on June 24, 2010 from noon until I drop. I will host a contest and a lucky winner will get a FREE copy of “The Fountain Of Youth”!

Look for more contests during the month.

Here are dates. Mark your calendars!

June 07 – GLBTQ open discussion
June 11 – Release Date – “The Fountain Of Youth”.
June 14 – Gay male fiction day – win a free copy of “Feral Heat”!
June 15 – Bi writer’s day
June 21 – F/F day – contests! Win free copy of “Neighbors” and “Lost In Her Mouth”.
June 24 – My chat day with contest! Win a copy of “The Fountain Of Youth”
June 28 – GLBTQ BDSM day

I’m looking forward to talking to all of those who love GLBTQ fiction.

[This post first appeared on my blog, The Countess.]

I have long been fascinated with affairs, ever since I was in college and I realized that some married men would screw anything female with legs, as long as the woman presented herself to him in an appealing manner. I was occasionally that woman. It wasn’t just men who cheated on their spouses. Women have cheated countless times throughout history.

Is it really cheating if you never meet in person, leaving your sweaty paw prints all over the computer screen when interacting with your honey? I recall an article about a guy who was addicted to the online role playing game “Second Life”, and his real life wife was not happy that he had cheated on her with a woman he had “married” in the game. I found the real life wife posting on the Yahoo group EverQuest Widows, and she was so pissed about the article and all the new things she learned about her husband’s cyber affair that she had decided to divorce his ass.

Get a load of this near-miss one man had with his wife:

When Tim’s wife opened the Valentine’s Day gift he had mailed to her, he knew he was in trouble when she pulled an eight-inch purple butt plug out of the box.

That gift was meant for his cyber playmate. The company had shipped it to the wrong address.

He stammered, telling her it was really for him. He’s into bondage and sadistic play. She’s not.

He likes cybersex. He likes kinky web sites, in particular BDSM web sites. He said that he had done it “often when I had a day job that allowed unfiltered access to the Internet.”

He doesn’t consider his cyber-relationships affairs.

“They’re flirtations,” he said. “There’s no face-to-face.

Is it really an affair if it’s only on the Internet? What about hot, steamy e-mail exchanges? The concensus from my research into that article was that, yes, indeed, a married person who has cybersex is having an affair. Energy, attention, and sometimes even money are paid to the person who is not the adulterer’s spouse.

Here are some movies and books that address the time-honored practice of infidelity:

Anna Karenina
Double Indemnity
Casablanca
The Scarlet Letter
Body Heat
Same Time, Next Year
The Bridges Of Madison County
Indecent Proposal
Brief Encounter
The Postman Always Rings Twice
52 Pick Up

Affairs figure prominently amongst political scandals. Former President Bill Clinton is better known today for Monica Lewinsky’s blow jobs than for much of his public policy. Ministers such as Jim Bakker and Jimmy Swaggart have seen their empires fall due to their inability to keep it in their pants. Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer saw his power crumble after the public got wind of his own carryings on with a prostitution ring.

Actors are also well known for their affairs. Katherine Hepburn has long been known to be Spencer Tracy’s lover, but his wife would not give him a divorce because they were Catholic. Elizabeth Taylor cheated on Eddie Fisher with Richard Burton, and later married Burton. Twice. When Billy Bob Thornton met Angelina Jolie, he was living with Laura Dern. Dern had once stated that “I left home to work on a movie, and while I was away, my boyfriend got married, and I’ve never heard from him again.” Angelina Jolie made the news again when she was linked with a very married Brad Pitt. As anyone with a pulse knows by now, Pitt left wife Jennifer Aniston and hooked up with Jolie. They are still together, and Jolie’s pregnancies and adopted children have made gossip columnists very happy.

Tiger Woods and John Edwards show that no matter how horrid they are affairs never go out of style. My work in progress “Dangerous Curves” (also might be titled “Don’t Call Me ‘Baby’”) includes lots of thought and action about affairs. My main character is a single young woman who has sex with lots of men including a few married ones. Her views of affairs change as she progresses through the book. One thing she notices is that the married man she is seeing gets incredibly jealous whenever she has a date with someone else. As if he has a right to complain about her seeing other men when he has a wife at home. It’s rather ironic that some married men demand exclusivity from their mistresses when they aren’t exclusive themselves.

[This post first appeared on my blog, The Countess.]

Under the “Tell Me Something I Don’t Know” category is a study that found that work hours in excess of seventy per week wreck havok on your sex life and your marriage. Executives tend to work those kinds of hours, so they should take heed.

Apparently, these long working hours in executive positions is called “the extreme job“. I certainly would not like to work like that. What kind of life would that be?

People with extreme jobs don’t hate their jobs. In fact, the opposite is the case. They love their jobs. They brag about their earnings, their long hours, their work, and all the travel they have to do. The problem is that their families are suffering. Their sexual relationship with their spouses is in the toilet.

Harvard Business Review published the study. Those who work in extreme jobs consider a ten-hour work day a part-time job. What the hell kind of nonsense is that? It’s not new, though. Work hours in general are longer now than they were decades ago. The forty hour work week is getting to be a thing of the past. Plus, there is little job security. I remember that DuPont has laid off a bunch of workers a couple of years ago – just before Christmas. What a great present. I also suspect that those who work in extreme jobs aren’t pulling in the kinds of benefits that jobholders have had in decades past. They don’t take vacations or days off. They even go to work on days that they normally have off. These kinds of jobs also involve travel and “evening entertainment”, which was not identified. As far as I know, that could be anything from mandatory meetings at restaurants to after-work seminars and even meetings in strip clubs, which suck if you’re a woman surrounded by a gaggle of horny guys and you’re trying to discuss the latest sales figures. If anyone reading this post can identify what is meant by “evening entertainment”, please post in comments.

The article I link to described problems men and women in extreme jobs have, saying that “nearly half of men and women who took part in the international research project said their jobs “interfere with having a strong relationship with my spouse/partner.” So much time is spent on the job that relationships with spouses and children suffer. This includes the sexual relationship. These extreme job workers are too tired for sex. That’s not a good thing.

I’d rather see people scale back their working hours and enjoy their lives, but many jobs these days require longer hours and less time with families. I’ve always known that the workplace had never been family-friendly, but it seems to be getting worse. I’m glad I make my own work hours and control how I spend my time.

Anyone reading in an extreme job, or just have ridiculous working hours? Do you enjoy your job? How is your family life faring? Care to discuss the issue in comments?

Saturday, May 23, 2009

01:00 PM to 04:00 PM

The LGBT Community Center

208 W. 13th St, New York

Description

Lady Sabrina and Le Cercle des Dommes

Present

An Afternoon of Fellowship and Fun benefitting Master Blair’s Fight for Christopher Fund

A Women’s Event

Master Blair

Founded Le Cercle des Dommes – a support group for Dominant Women. She also helped establish Masters And slaves Together (MAsT) – Metro NYC. She has mentored and presented at TES, Le Cercle des Dommes, Butchmann’s and various events around the country.

Now she needs our help – The court has decided that because of her M/s interests and her involvement in the BDSM community, she is an unfit mother and has taken her son, Christopher, away. Le Cercle des Dommes is hosting an afternoon event as a thank you and a show of support for all Master Blair has done for the community she cares for so well.

__Presenters will include:

Goddess Coko Florentine Flogging

Margaret Davis Traditional OTK Spanking

Doom Maidens Wrestling

Miss Olivia Hart, Drag Queen Extraordinaire will provide entertainment.

Raffles will include a Community membership, toys, t-shirts and more. Refreshments are included with your donation.

This is a pansexual event open to all Women.

Please come out and support someone who has given so much to this community.

I met my lovely wife online, I was in love with her before I even met her in real life and once we did meet it just got better, and better and then even better. Within six months I’d sold my house, resigned from my job and moved to a different part of the country to be with her. A couple of years later we got married and last year embarked, unexpectedly, on a journey of discovery, a big and exciting journey that I’m sure will continue for the rest of our lives. Part of the discovery was/is my recognition of my masculinity, my butchness and my cock, although I’m biologically female, I’m also psychologically male. I fall somewhere between the recognised two genders, I say recognised because I do believe there are a myriad of different genders, not just male and female.

From these discoveries an interest and affinity with BDSM was born (as well as a love of writing). In many ways this for me is the most startling of the events in the last year, I had never before had any inkling that this was part of my nature. It feels so right that I can’t believe it hasn’t always been there, it must have been suppressed and squashed, until now. I would guess that it’s being with the right woman in the right circumstances that has brought these things out in me, perhaps if we’d never met neither of us would have recognised our topping/bottoming desires. Thankfully, we did and we can explore this new world together with the full support and love of each other.

We are an ordinary couple, we have kids, work, go shopping, do laundry, all the usual stuff and then when we have the opportunity we indulge. We spoil ourselves with the temptations of BDSM, the lure of control and the delights of power exchange. We have more toys and devices now than I even knew existed this time last year, we have been shopping in local hardware stores for hooks and chains which have been strategically placed for maximum potential. Leather cuffs excite me, leather belts thrill me and the sight of that slender leather collar round my wife’s tender throat is elating. Paddle, flogger, cane, have become extensions of my hand melding themselves so perfectly to my palm. And I look forward with intense anticipation to the times when I can take my wife over my knee and give her the spanking she so deserves.

Now that we have started this journey I can’t imagine going back to our previous vanilla ways but we will go forward together because it brings us joy. It has made us closer than ever before, it connects us, unites us, calms us and is in so many ways its the ultimate declaration of our commitment and love.

Who let the Jehovah witness in the building?

I woke up to late to go to MaST meeting. My bell was ringing and this is what woke me up, the Jehovah’s witness. It never amazes me that some people will just not respect that fact that other have work out and are happy with what they believe in. Don’t get me wrong and I don’t want to go on a rant about religion and the things through out history religion was used to justify. But if you are the lucky ones who are comfortable in you life with what you believe, other should respect that and not try to convince you other wise. I use to have a picture on my front door of something that conveyed my belief and that usually kept my bell from ringing.

So even though I thanked them for stopping by and told them I was happy with my spirituality, they took offence. And I usually don’t do and say things that would make folks uncomfortable, but since they stopped me from closing my door I said with a straight face.

“ I’m a pagan and although I am grateful for the foundation my Grand Parents gave me I’m sure they like God loves me, even knowing that I get mentally and sexually aroused by doing bad things to people. By bad and I use this so that you can understand, I mean I love tying men up and beating them and from time to time having sex with them,”

After bidding them a good day I got to close my door.

I often ask of others who want to be in a relationship with me to have their shit together

On my about page on my blog I write:

“To be apart of my world I require one to be healthy physically, mentally and spiritually, to a large degree.”

By a large degree I don’t mean you have to be Jack La Lane, lord knows I’m not. I smoke, I eat meat and on occasion I’ll have a drink. I’m not a work out freak, but I do live in New York a walking town. And I get my share of a work out with my Wii. Mentally I’m not a psycho, and have been to a head doctor to work on some issues that I thought were important to me. To spiritual matters and the Johovah’s witness. If what you do spiritually brings you fulfillment it’s something to be encouraged. But it is important that you have something spiritually going on. I believe it’s an important part of any relationship I’m in.  

But thinking about the bible thumpers and those that feel they have to convert a pervert like me. It’s not and never was difficult for me to live the life I always have. Oh, there are difficulties. But that has to do much more with the quality of people who say on thing but have no clue.

I wonder how people in BDSM/ D/s or Master/slave relationships deal with the spiritual when it come to the relationship. Or if they even had a need to reconcile that part of

their lives?

Pondering

My father had a very large, musty, cardboard box full of porn.

The box lived in the basement of our small ranch-style house. It rested atop a very tall metal shelf-structure, in a dark corner of his workshop – a room with cobwebs and sawdust and any number of on-the-go projects stacked on the benches.

It was rare that I entered that room as a child. I seldom had use for a screwdriver or hammer let alone a band saw or a lathe or a drill press. I certainly had no reason to climb on top of the leather step stool and wobble on my tiptoes when all of the other boxes contained Christmas ornaments and empty mason jars.

I can’t remember how I found it. How did I stumble across this treasure trove of delight?

One day, though, it was a part of my life. My new hobby was flipping through the pages of each magazine, digging to the bottom of the box for new material, and being careful to never leave a fingerprint on a cover and never, ever wrinkle a page.

Vividly, I remember:  Naked ladies. The occasional naked man (usually as important as a throw pillow in a home decor magazine spread). Leather. Lace. Enormous breasts and tiny boobies.  Shaved. Natural. Thin. Voluptuous.

Arriving home from school as an occasional latchkey kid, I’d barely drop my backpack on the floor before running downstairs, climbing up, and balancing a magazine on the edge of the shelf while working my hand inside the front of my jeans.

I didn’t dare take any of the magazines down – what if someone came home? What if I forgot to put things back properly?

It was so incredibly scandalous to me, that box. No one had ever told me that such magazines existed.

I don’t know where the collection originated or, later when it disappeared, where it went. I was the one who picked up the mail at the end of our driveway and I know they didn’t make their way into our home by that route. Did someone give them to him? Did he buy them on his way home from work?

My Dad has been dead for a long while now, and we never discussed that box of goodness.

And now I’m the adult in the house. Married, happily, with a house full of children who are precocious and funny and curious about the world around them.

We’ve had “The Talk” and explained about birth control and the names for the various body parts.They know about consent and about boundaries and limits and being safe.

But I feel like they’re missing a big part of a healthy childhood: hidden porn.

It’s the curse of the Internet Age – ready, easy, all-acess-available porn. Videos and pictures and YouPorn and every single kink under the sun presented in glorious, bookmark’able colour.

And it’s all hidden behind internet filters and NetNannies.

The print magazines are going out of business or switching to online-only.

So we took matters into our own hands, my husband and I, and we made our way to the local used bookstore. It sells porn – the vintage kind – in cellowrapped packages dating back to the ’60s.

We debated for a bit and then, not wanting to influence our kids’ sexual proclivities (nor scare them to death) we picked up a fine selection of  mostly “vanilla porn”, paid the small fees, and brought them home. In the quiet of the night, we leafed through them, admiring the fluffy pubes and horrible makeup styles, and agreed that it was all about as risque as what’s available on cable TV.

It’s not our style of porn – we lean toward the kink, the BDSM, the whips-n-chains. But that’s an adult choice and the kids will find their own leanings as they mature and experiment in life.

When the kids start school next week, we’re hiding those magazines in the crawl spaces that are accessible only from the kids’ bedrooms. And we’ll wait for them to explore and discover them. We’ll deny knowing how they got there and claim the previous owners of the house must have left them behind.

That’s right. I’m the mother who bought her kids porn.

And I’ll never admit it to anyone but you.

First of all, let me say that I am very excited about being part of this endeavor and journey.  The wide variety of people that are posting good quality information is pretty vast and will be excited about how this all comes together!

Now, on to what I initially came to launch My maiden voyage here….

I have personally become involved with some complex situations that involve complex people.  Monogamous, Master/slaves, or Mistress/slaves, Poly spanking couples, Switch couples, Switch three-somes, and the list could go on and on. However, there is a dynamic that I feel needs some more attention that I have recently run into. I have found this to be a small percentage of those successful relationships in the lifestyle.

I am training a young man who has sought out education in not only one area but several from Me.  I welcome students of the arts, and personally, find it very rewarding when those who find sanctuary and education in My realm all at once. But in this instance, he is lucky enough to have a very loving wife who is not so interested in taking the same path with him but does have alot of questions.  She has encouraged his adventure and journey and because I was able to assist him in many areas of this, she is now learning where her interests lie and having legitimate and worrisome questions that come to light.

• Will you still want me after finding this?
• Will you come home all marked up and injured I can’t touch you?
• Will you perform and server her if we are in our home or in a gathering together?
• etc….

I have found that having an understanding ‘Vanilla’ spouse is extremely rare.  Even more so, ones that encourage the other to find what makes them happy knowing that the roads are unfamiliar and could produce more questions and apprehensions than solve or put at ease.

I have several good pieces of insight that I offer to those who might have found themselves in this rare dynamic and hope that they offer some piece of mind:

1. COMMUNICATION: NEVER, I repeat, NEVER stop talking, communicating and asking questions, no matter how silly they sound, the only silly question is the one never asked.
2. INVOLVE EVERYONE: When involved in a “poly” situation, there is no way that you can not involve everyone in the concerns and questions.  There are more hearts and heads involved than ‘normal’ relationships, so keeping everyone in the loop is definitely the only way to be successful.
3. EMOTIONS: Never hide them.  Normally your first reaction is the most potent and intense one and keeping those raw feelings on the top are the truest feelings you will have on the situation.
4. LIMITS/BOUNDARIES: Respecting the limits of everyone involved is crucial.  One of the first things I attempt to do is to get an idea of areas in which others which to explore and discussing them with them, AND with their spouse/significant other. Whether they are brought to the table by the Dominate/Trainer/Mentor or by the spouse themselves is completely up to everyone involved.  Some may not be comfortable discussing these things so being patient and making sure that the second hand information you are going to get is all in how you approach the topic with those involved. The boundaries can and do involve time, locations, verbiage and even marks.

Of course these are all elements that are also incorporated in the more simpler of relationships (1 on 1), but the one that sticks out in my mind that helps ease others into things is that there is more than just one person involved.  ALL must be consentual to the activity, ALL must be involved in some way shape or form.

I welcome more insight and even enjoy discussing complex dynamics that are successful and why.