This week’s prompt asked the question: How has kink improved your relationship?
As a genetically inclined people-pleaser I’ve never been good at asking for what I want. When it came to relationships I always felt guilty that I might be forcing my partner into doing something he didn’t want to do and that eventually he’d decide I was a bossy selfish person and leave. (Not a really rational way of thinking but then many habits aren’t logical, are they?)
In the past I tended to deal with this discomfort by keeping my needs and wishes to myself, and trying not to let eventual resentment take over in the long term. Not exactly the healthiest way to keep a relationship happy and alive, huh?
D/s gives my relationship a nice tangible power structure that allows me to see that there’s a difference between being demanding and selfish, and making healthy, mature requests to get my needs met.
I’m expected, as an intelligent respectful submissive, to lay my needs (and my wants) out on the table for discussion. It’s then up to my partner to make the final decisions which takes any layer of guilt off my shoulders. As a dominant person his job is to be aware of my needs and not to allow me to sacrifice them for his sake. Knowing this I’m compelled by the code of my relationship to make my needs and wants apparent to him.
Just knowing that my partner will take the discussion into account when making decisions helps me to feel valued and loved. Knowing that he will choose an action that is best for the relationship – and therefore best for me – allows me to be at peace with his decisions.
Odd as it may sound being in a D/s relationship as a submissive has allowed me to become a more assertive individual. In – and out – of my relationship.
