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Sep 03
This is a guest post by Darkrose.
BDSM relationships make the argument on abuse much more complicated than it already is, and those in TPE relationship have an even harder time than that. For non-kinky people its pretty easy to define abuse.
Webster’s Dictionary defines abuse as “improper use or handling, misuse, physical maltreatment,insulting or coarse language;To force sexual activity on; rape or molest.”
Most of us in the the BDSM world would take that definition and say, “but I like that stuff”. How do you define abuse if the way the dictionary defines it just does not apply to you?
In most of our relationships some, if not all, of these things happen on a regular basis. Personally I’m rather fond of being molested and mishandled and its difficult for me to remember a time I didn’t need some sort of “insulting or coarse language” to even get in the mood to begin with. I absolutely love name calling and otherwise not very nice talk.
A lot of people in the lifestyle tend to define abuse by rather or not there was consent to whatever awful thing was going on at the time. Consent is vital in any type of power exchange relationship, but I think that a lot of people don’t really think that through completely. How many people really want to get hit with that particular awful, terrible, horrible, frightening, painful thing that you know just about every top on the planet has at least one of? How many of us would happily break said awful thing or at least hide it if we didn’t know for a fact they’d just find something even worse to hit us with and they’d make it suck ten times worse to be us for breaking/hiding the original thing? How many (Want to read more...)
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Sep 01
Posted by cinful on Wednesday Sep 1, 2010 Under Submission
BDSM immediately conjures up images of a whip-wielding Dominatrix punishing some poor submissive who is screaming in pain. As delightful as that image is, not everyone who is a bottom or submissive is in this lifestyle to experience pain. It must be daunting for the newbie who does not enjoy pain to come to a munch or party and be faced with the question “What are you into?” The newbie who likes sensual play or enjoys service may feel that s/he is not quite living up to the expectations of the lifestyle.
Dom/mes and tops who enjoy pain have an equally difficult time. I have met several Dom/mes who enjoy a round of pain inflicted by their trained subs/ bottoms. Others in the community may look askance on this seemingly unDomlike behaviour. But if the Dom/me is getting what S/He wants, through obedience, then what could be more Domlike? Pain can be an enjoyable sensation, and why should a Dom/me not be able to experience what S/He wishes?
But what if you are a submissive or bottom who ends up with a Dom/me who is more Sadistic than you are Masochistic? My Dom always seems to me to be one step ahead of me in the S/m curve. The more pain that I learn to endure, the more pain He seems to be able to inflict. In a way this is a good thing, as we continue to travel a mutually enjoyable path. I have learned some methods to deal with pain in order to maintain and hopefully increase my Dom’s pleasure in a scene. My Dom is quick to tell me that as long as I am giving Him all I have, then it doesn’t matter how much pain I handle. However it is a matter of pride for (Want to read more...)
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Aug 25
Posted by rideflame on Wednesday Aug 25, 2010 Under Submission
There were some really terrible stories on the radio the other day; stories of how various men had made the lives of women they 'loved' into a living hell because they could not let go. Each story ended in murder. I felt a tinge of guilt, surely when I write of being tied up, of how I need someone to submit to, it is kind of like letting the side down -because the men who do these terrible things
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Aug 23
I am bi-sexual, and I have been ever since I can remember.
When I was young I obviously didn’t know the way I felt were the first signs of bi-curiosity because the roots of things are never clear back at the time and only make sense much later on!
My first experiences
Not long after I had met my ex Dom he had asked what my feelings towards playing with other girls were, since (funnily enough) the idea of two girls playing with each other floated his boat. Fortunately for me I had always been curious but hadn’t acted on my feelings beforehand. Until about 10 years ago I was very sheltered and hadn’t had very many partners or anything like that. I didn’t lose my virginity till I was 20 and just the thought of acting on what I thought were unusual feelings scared me a little but of course totally turned me on!
Around the time I discovered what BDSM was (via chat rooms and the Internet) I had been talking to a Dom-sub couple of about my age. I had seen pictures of the female half of the couple and was very attracted to her. I’d been talking to them a year or so and had moved in with my ex Dom when he suggested we invite them up to go to a fetish club with us and then see what happens after that. I’m not sure I can really explain how nervous I was about the thought of meeting this woman that I had fantasised about for so many months. Anyway, they came.
We took them to the local fetish club as planned, and she was wearing a beautiful white corset, pink skirt and white shoes. This is how much I fancied her that I can (Want to read more...)
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Aug 20
Posted by submissive guide on Friday Aug 20, 2010 Under Submission
Every so often I find some wonderful blog posts that speak to the varying differences submissives have. Today I want to showcase a few of the more recent selections with you. Please go read the post and comment; letting them know where you came from! You might make a new submissive connection.
If you would like to be considered for a future list, please send me an email with a link to your blog (subguide@gmail.com) so that I can get it added to my reader and keep up with all that you have to say.
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Aug 16
Posted by rideflame on Monday Aug 16, 2010 Under Submission
Something has changed.
When he touches me now he is inside the touch, no longer outside, no more the voyeur.
And yet...
And yet...
It went like this. I was tied up; my arms bound to my sides, hands close to my shoulders. Everything he did made me sink, falling through layers of pleasure, slipping down into the deepest place. One pleasure following another.
But nothing lasted for long enough;
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Aug 13
Posted by rideflame on Friday Aug 13, 2010 Under Submission
Eventually there will be an instant short-cut appearing; the moment he think that he needs to sit down with me and understand the short-cut will appear and he will push me down, or over and undo me!
Yesterday it was my fault, I wanted to know exactly what he meant by the word *blockage* how he thought a mistake in the past could block something now? In my version, something hidden deep down in
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Jul 23
Posted by Kinkysexlink on Friday Jul 23, 2010 Under Submission
There’s a lot of debate, in our kinky little corner of the worldwide web, about kinky people who have mental health issues. What kinds of problems they cause, how to keep them from destroying the mood in kinky venues, whether or not D/s (and the structure that often comes with it) can help a person with mental disorders, whether or not they should be involved in kink or dominant/submissive relationships… The thoughts and opinions, as with just about every topic of discussion, are all over the place.
Why does this matter to me?
I have mental health issues.
I’ve been in and out of therapy since I was about sixteen. Mostly because my parents knew there was something wrong, but couldn’t figure out what, and really didn’t know how to handle me anymore. When I was twenty-ish, the small-town police where I lived had me committed to the mental health unit of a local hospital for suicide threats. Later that year, I admitted myself because I ran out of my meds, my psychiatrist was out of town, and not even my regular MD would sign off on a refill, which caused a massive panic attack that lead to suicidal thoughts and threats. And not far into the next year, I attempted suicide for the umpteenth time (and the last), got caught by M’s ex-fiance (my then-best-friend), and was committed again.
I don’t have a set-in-stone diagnosis. None of the therapists or psychiatrists I’ve dealt with have been able to agree on one. A few things that have been mentioned are bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, anxiety/social anxiety disorder, chronic clinical depression, and AD(H)D. One doctor mentioned the possibility of me suffering from schizotypal personality disorder, but I’ve never really put much stock in that. (Want to read more...)
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Jul 19
Posted by Kinkysexlink on Monday Jul 19, 2010 Under Submission
Having been in the lifestyle for almost two years now, one of the things that I have noticed is that I am facing a lot of issues due to abuse from my past. Not from any Dominant in the lifestyle, just from others in my past. I’ve learned enough that if you have similar past experiences, I’d like to share some of it with you.
When it comes to this lifestyle there is one important factor that keeps coming up which is to be open and honest with your Dominant. To some, this is a very frightening thing to ask because there may be things that you have not worked through yet. I have come to learn that these things are things that can hinder you emotionally and sexually. One of the duties of a Dominant is to help you through those issues in order to help you grow.
One of the main issues is trust. People who are emotionally, physically, and sexually abused find that the ability to trust someone is very rare. Don’t get this confused with the ability to show respect. If you are a service submissive, it is okay to show respect to all Dominants as is appropriate and allowed. That doesn’t mean you are required to trust them. For example: in large crowds I will huddle close to either my Husband or my Master depending upon who is my escort for the event as they both understand my needs in this situation. It is important to find someone who is aware of your needs and capable of taking care of you.
How do you take that first step out of your box? The answer is very carefully. First is to not rush things, be patient. This can be very hard to do when you discover (Want to read more...)
