Kinky Sex Link

crossposted from our blog liljgrrlanddaddy

click on pic to go to photo gallery to see
all the pics from our Christmas Shoot

We did our annual Christmas Shoot that creates our annual Kinky Christmas Card. We typically do a very involved suspension but this year we decided to do a shoot in honor and memory of Betty Page. We decided to redo the Betty Christmas Tree picture with our own twist and artistic license.  lil*j was Betty and it made her feel sad that she is gone. Betty was certainly an idol of lil*j’s! But we are certain Betty’s memory will live on for eternity. Anytime you take a shot of your lover or a friend….nude or in bondage, know that it was Betty Page’s inspiration and her sensuality that helped to create this genre.

What you see above is the Card we created. Click on it to go to our gallery to see the 7 best pics from the shoot last night. You will not be disappointed!!! There is a very nice pic of jen tied and her pretty ass peeking out!  May this Holiday Season bring you peace and the new year prosperity, love and luck!

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Happy Hanukkah, Happy Kwanzaa, and Happy (put your celebration in here),

Peace & Namaste

G & j

x-post from Mystress Lady Evyl

I wanted to share some of my latest gifts from my good long distance-sub boy brock. I am so not into online subing, but he is my exception to the rule. We met under unusual circumstances, but its been a year now he is my boy. We certainly have had our ups and downs in the last year but I am always amazed at his devotion to me. I hope one day we meet.

Now brock is definitely into gifting, or more into a bit of financial domination. I am happy to oblige. I always say I am not into making money of Domming since itis a passion, but hey if my boy likes it I don’t want to disapoint. So this is how we work, I usualy ‘force’ a gift out of him about once a month. Well this past month I got stuff I have been dreaming aobut for a while. SO HAPPY! We ordered 3 seperate things, one package has yet to arrive. But I wanted to share these 2 new toys:

A TENS unit with clamps and an electro plug. I LOVE IT, actually been using it on a low level medically on my shoulder lol.

And a chastity device, the Houdini. Still unused

Still waiting for a leather thong, pvc skirt, and platform boots to arrive!

Mystress Lady Evyl

This week’s prompt asked the question: How has kink improved your relationship?

As a genetically inclined people-pleaser I’ve never been good at asking for what I want. When it came to relationships I always felt guilty that I might be forcing my partner into doing something he didn’t want to do and that eventually he’d decide I was a bossy selfish person and leave. (Not a really rational way of thinking but then many habits aren’t logical, are they?)

In the past I tended to deal with this discomfort by keeping my needs and wishes to myself, and trying not to let eventual resentment take over in the long term. Not exactly the healthiest way to keep a relationship happy and alive, huh?

D/s gives my relationship a nice tangible power structure that allows me to see that there’s a difference between being demanding and selfish, and making healthy, mature requests to get my needs met.

I’m expected, as an intelligent respectful submissive, to lay my needs (and my wants) out on the table for discussion. It’s then up to my partner to make the final decisions which takes any layer of guilt off my shoulders. As a dominant person his job is to be aware of my needs and not to allow me to sacrifice them for his sake. Knowing this I’m compelled by the code of my relationship to make my needs and wants apparent to him.

Just knowing that my partner will take the discussion into account when making decisions helps me to feel valued and loved. Knowing that he will choose an action that is best for the relationship - and therefore best for me - allows me to be at peace with his decisions.

Odd as it may sound being in a D/s relationship as a submissive has allowed me to become a more assertive individual. In - and out - of my relationship.

I’ve been fighting with myself and others wether or not I should post this. It’s not something I’m proud of. Not my shining moment in the sun to say the least. I’ve decided to post it because I’ve learned something from it:

I answered their ad that mentioned they were looking for a submissive male to perform service for them. It would start out with cleaning and chores with a chance that it would lead to more sexual play.

We exchanged emails a few times, I answered their list of questions and they decided to meet me. I was excited to say the least. Finding not one but two women for service AND play? It seemed too good to be true.

It was too good to be true.

They wanted to meet at a sushi place on the Upper East Side, I arrived ten minutes early. They arrived thirty minutes late.

As soon as we sat down they started asking about me and my search for a dominant. The tall blonde suggested I shouldn’t have moved to New York from the midwest since it wouldn’t be any easier for me to meet anyone here. She said it as though she was bringing something to light that I didn’t know.

We briefly talked about what growing up on a farm was like. After I mentioned the fact that my father had to sell some his land, the blonde said “NO! Never sell land! That’s just not smart. You never sell land!”. She was pretty much calling my father an idiot. As though he had a choice in the matter. As though he had options.

“Yeah, I’ll be sure to tell him that when I talk to him next”, I said politely as I could while being sarcastic.

They asked about my friends in the lifestyle. The tall blonde assumed I had been to a professional. I told her I had never been but I did have friends who are.

“What are their names? I have a beef with a few Pro Dommes”

“I’d rather not say. I don’t feel comfortable name-dropping. and I don’t think they’d appreciate me using their names as a reference without asking them first.” She looked angry and I added “If it’s a deal breaker, I understand”. The last thing I wanted was to get a call from a friend saying “Why is this nutjob calling me?”

I was then asked what my budget was for dinner.

“Um. Nothing? I’m sorry, I didn’t know you wanted me to pay for dinner. I won’t be eating anything since I’m tight on cash. I’m sorry for the misunderstanding.”

I was then told that it was a given that I would pay. “It’s just good manners”, the tall blonde said.

Later the brunette would tell me that she had never been on a date with a man who didn’t pay. She looked at me with disapproval.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know this was a date. I thought this was more of an interview for possible service. If you want me to go to the ATM and get twenty bucks I will”.

“See? That’s just rude. Then you’re putting the responsibility on me to say yes or no. You should just offer to do it”.

At that point I was glad that I didn’t go and get some cash. I was torn. I was trying to give them the benefit of the doubt as I hoped they were giving me. Maybe they were having a bad day or maybe they really hated me for some reason.

We talked about my experience with service. I mentioned my positives and negatives (folding fitted sheets). I mentioned how I wasn’t looking for play in return for service, that I’m not the type to make mistakes on purpose in hopes of being punished. If they wanted to play that would be great but I wanted them to know I enjoy service for the sake of pleasing. They seemed semi-interested but it was hard to read them. I mention that I was looking for someone who liked the idea of a man in service to them and not someone who didn’t care who did it as long as it got done.

We parted ways and I emailed them to thank them for their time and wished them luck on their search if they weren’t interested in me.

One of them replied saying: “I found you to be rude and cheap and your presence ruined my meal. It was a testament to charity and patience that I did not leave sooner.”

Oh? And what is it a testament to that you would send such an response to someone who just thanked you for your time?

I’m wondering why I didn’t just leave earlier. Why didn’t I excuse myself the second I realized they were not what I was looking for? Why did I give them the benefit of the doubt? It seemed clear fifteen minutes into it that they weren’t interested. Why do I consistently find myself in these situations and never learn to avoid them? The warning signs are there. I just need to open my eyes. Or not block my eyes with my cock.

It’s been a while since this happened. I’m not angry at them anymore nor am I hurt by the experience. I’m willing to accept blame for this one. I should have made it clear that I was in no position to pay for their meal before meeting them. We’re still living in a universe where some women will feel I need to pay them for the right to clean for them.

There are some dominant women who use their dominance as an excuse to treat men like they’re a dime a dozen (probably because we’re a dime a dozen).

The most rewarding service I’ve ever performed was to someone who required me to bring a receipt for anything I bought while in service. It was clear that my service was the important thing, not my money. I was providing what they saw was the most valuable thing possible: my sweat, dedication and sincerity.

The most rewarding sexual relationships I’ve had have been from those who wanted to be with me for my body or for my mind (sometimes both). Once again it was my sweat, dedication and sincerity that they valued most.

x-posted from Mystress Lady Evyl

I am a huge fan of the movie Capote. It is a superb film. It shows us the time Truman Capote, a journalist, spent in Kansas learning about the mass murder of a family back in 1959. From it he wrote the book In Cold Blood. This book is considered the originator of the non-fiction novel. So after seeing this movie again recently I decided to get the book. I am presently reading it (read it, its fabulous).

Now why am I writing about it here? Well a part I read today really struck a cord in reference to my previous blog about disappointing sub applicants. This part of the book is a letter Perry’s (one of the murderers) sister wrote to him while he was in jail for other charges a year prior to the slaying of the Clutter family. Here are the exerts that hit me:

“What you have done, whether right or wrong, is your own doing. From what I personally know, you have lived your life exactly as you pleased without regard to circumstances or persons who loved you—who might be hurt.

…you don’t show me any signs of SINCERE regret and seem to show no respect for any laws, people or anything. Your letter implies that the blame of all your problems is that of someone else, but never you.
You are a human being with a free will. Which puts you above the animal level. But if you live your life without feeling and compassion for your fellow-man—you are as an animal—….”

Wow, I LOVE that last part. I can imagine what is going through your head, you the reader. What is she talking about? What kind of a Domme is she? Don’t judge, you don’t know the whole situation. And it is something I am working on nipping it in the bub.

I am however willing to bet 90% of the Dom/mes that read this can think of at least one sub that fits that bill, or it resonates a familiar feeling. Bare with me, I am ending my mental-work-through of this part of my life. I am always depressing in November lol.

Mystress Lady Evyl

P.S. Let me note here in no way am I saying bad subs have any murdering tendencies.

I went to two different Halloween parties, two very different experiences but both very good.

All week I looked and looked for something that goes with this:

Someone suggested PVC pants but I’ve never worn PVC before. Others said black jeans would do. One person suggested I go without pants entirely.

I went for the usual: Leather pants and a black t-shirt. My homage to Steve Jobs and every hair band from the 80’s.

The first party was filled with warm friendly faces, big smiles, great costumes (other than my own) and good conversation. It’s one of those places where you know you’ll be around the kind of people you’d bring with you if you were going to colonize mars. Someone greeted me and I had no clue who it was at first since she was covered from head to toe in latex. I found myself in a circle of friends talking about everything from bad movie ideas to politics.

There was a moment where I had a brief out of body experience, realizing how very different things were for me now compared to when I first move to New York and didn’t know anyone. I felt lucky, grateful and warm. Thanksgiving came on Halloween.

Afterwards I headed to smack. Smack is a massive fetish party featuring people in latex, leather and anything else you can imagine. It’s important to note that it’s more fetish than bdsm. There’s some play going on but it’s mostly for show. There I was, a guy going to a fetish party with two of my best friends, one dressed as a sexy wild strawberry and the other as a seductive geisha. There are few things better than watching your friend dressed as a strawberry get her groove on while guys stare from across the room.

A few people were engaged in kinky play. Some were sincere, others were clearly putting on a show. I saw an older couple in the play area having a very hot scene. They were really into it. She wince and arched her back in a way you could tell she was barely aware that there were hundreds of people dancing around her. Downstairs I saw two women “playing”. If anything they were playing to the crowd rather than each other. The woman playing the part of submissive seemed more interested in seeing how the crowd reacted to her reactions. It felt like I was watching bad porn.

There were a few posers there, people acting like they were King Shit of Fuck Mountain. The people who act like they’re doing everyone a favor by letting us be in the same room with them. Its a funny thing to see.

I’m not sure if it was the music, the overcrowded club or the fact that I was also trying to get over being sick but I decided to head home. On my way out I ran into a friend who was sporting her brand new short PVC red dress. I tried not to stare, gave her a hug and tried to think of non-sexy things since hiding an erection while wearing leather pants is almost impossible. We talked for a bit but I left before her date returned with their drinks.

Jumping on the subway I felt less out of place than I normally do when dressed that way. I was sitting next to a drunk guy in a bunny suit and a coed in a catholic school girl uniform.

I made it home, took some nyquil and as I undressed I received a text message from the friend in the short red PVC dress:

“You are an idiot. You should have stayed…I’m a bit hornier than expected. It’s probably good that you left…in a way. If I were a man you would have been promptly raped. I would have lured you into a dark alley…”.

We all hear the constant talk about dominants and their honour. We know, without thinking much about it that a dominant needs to be honourable, and we quickly step in to denounce a dominant we feel is lacking in it.

But exactly what is honour…and is it only confined to dominants?

Do slaves, submissives, bottoms have honour? Do we need it?

Honour, for me, is all about inner accountability.

As adults we experience a certain degree of outer accountability, but for the rest, we’re on our own. It’s easy enough to get away with things; no one can watch you 100% of the time. And many things we can get away with, with no one being the wiser.

Occasionally we all play a little loose with our honour. Perhaps sneaking in a quick phone call during company time, or putting less than our best effort into something we agreed to do.

Is it wrong? Technically, yes.

Is it harmful?

Well, perhaps that’s debatable.

Will my boss suffer because I spent 5 minutes on the phone instead of working on a file that I end up handing in by deadline? Not really, and we can argue that it’s pretty much a given that employees will do these things, and as long as it doesn’t interfere with our work the employer opts to look the other way.

A trade-off.

We can always rationalize it in our heads, and most of us do, in order to allow us to step out of our sense of honour and give in to the baser impulse.

But, later, even if we don’t get caught, we can’t help but hear the nagging voice of guilt in our head. We know it was wrong, and even if it wasn’t harmful, it still feels like a bit of sand in our shoes. Our inner accountability is our voice of honour, perhaps.

How does this relate to BDSM?

As a submissive I am often in the position of making promises and following rules and I wouldn’t have it any other way. Even when the situation grates on me a bit, I like exercising my honour. I like knowing I have a sense of inner accountability that can rise to a challenge.

We talk about Tops and Dominants having honour all the time, but when I agree to something that my dominant can’t check up on, I’m on my honour to do the right thing.

Otherwise, I’m cheating. I’ve devalued the relationship I have, and tagged it as less important than whatever impulse I was wanting to indulge. I’ve truly cheapened what I’m supposed to cherish, when I am less than what I can be, made the relationship less that what is should and could aspire to.

In those situations, when I bend the rules, it may seem unlikely my dominant will suffer. But I will. And that’s not the kind of suffering I look forward to.

Of course, that’s just one example of where we need to show honour. It’s in our commitments to each other, and to the world around us. When we do our best, when we hold to our honour we help make the world a better place.

Personally I’ve come to expect honour from myself, and from anyone I let into my closer circle of life. I don’t care whether they capitalize their name or not, I don’t care where they think they sit on the power exchange scale, the sexual orientation scale, the gender scale, or even the weight scale for that matter.

Honour is a quality I value, in myself, and in the people I love. Bottom line (no pun intended!).

The next time honour is brought up on a fetish forum, or at a munch or kink workshop, take a moment to see if people are holding all of the fetish community up to the same standards or are they simply dragging out a double-standard and airing it as Truth.

You might be surprised.