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Throughout this series we’ve examined what types of behaviours can be considered predatory, the effects such behaviours can have on its target, how it can be handled individually and as a community and other important facets of the discussion. These are all excellent dialogues to have but they have their root in one thing: a person. It’s a person/people who engage in these behaviours and send the cycle in motion. So how do you know who is who?

Below are some characteristics of some predators. This list is by no means all inclusive, you may encounter a whole new breed. Nor is it linear. The predators you encounter may display a few attributes from this one and a few from that one. The overarching themes are ones of self assigned entitlement of some kind, a lack of care for personal space and boundaries and varying types of manipulation. But at the very least this list may help you to begin to spot potential red flag characteristics to be watched and avoided.

Types of Predators:

• Chameleon Predator – in view of others they take great care in creating a persona that is one of restraint, respect and graciousness. Once alone with the target, their behaviour changes completely which may manifest in using offensive language, suggestive language, manipulation or threats, or unwanted physical contact among other things.
• Public Predator – overt and often ostentatious in their flirting, attempts at manipulation, humiliation or out and out lewd behaviour. Often using the people around them to enable and encourage the activity
• Adrenaline Junkie Predator – one who gets a rush out of harassing or humiliating their targets. The reaction of the target (including, but not limited to humiliation, embarrassment, becoming offended, anger, frustration, etc..) is what they seek and where they get their gratification. A non reaction may just encourage them to keep trying until they do get a reaction of some sort.
• Compensating Predator – these folks prey on others to boost their own egos. The smaller they can make you feel, the more important they feel they are.
• Pay for Play Predators – those who use their position or influence in an effort to make another do as they wish which may include play, sex or simply ‘taking’ the predatory behaviour without complaint. If the target does not comply with the situation, their position in the community, reputation or emotional or physical safety will be placed in jeopardy.
• Atypical Predator – these are the ones that leave their targets confused as to motivation based on a perceived lack of need to engage in such behaviour. Examples would include a Dominant who is well respected in the community, who has a primary SO, several less seriously committed partners and a seeming endless supply of partners for one time play. Why would they NEED to prey? The answer is a driving need for constant Domination at all times.
• The Passive Aggressive Predator – those who come on strong and then back off claiming it was all a joke, a misunderstanding or harmless flirtation if confronted. But are quite serious in their attempts to manipulate another into play, sex, etc.. if not ever confronted. ‘Oh I was just kidding, unless your answer is yes.’
• Quid Pro Quo Predators – an exchange of play or sex for a benefit of some kind (standing in the community, bragging rights, ownership, protection, entrance to events, etc..) is forcefully or subtlety demanded based on the aggressor’s standing in various hierarchical  dynamics (community, cliques, relationships, circle of friends, etc..). this varies a bit from the ‘Pay for Play’ type in that the Quid Pro Quo type often uses a negative threat to get his demands met rather than barter for a reward.
• Helpful Predator – These will try to create mentor-like relationships with their targets in an effort to mask their untoward intentions under the pretense of exemplary behaviour. They may take great pains to carefully build up an image beyond reproach so that people would find it hard to believe they would do anyone any harm. They plan their approaches carefully, strike strategically so that it is their word against that of their victims or even speak at length with the victim after the incident in an attempt to convince the victim of their being a non threat, confuse the events in the victims recollection or downplay the actual impact of the event
• Trying to fit in Predator – these are motivated by a desire to belong, because they see the activity as humorous and wish to be one of the cool kids, or trying to emulate a perceived proper way of behaving in an effort to gain favour from others. They may initiate or egg on  lewd comments, remarks on physical attributes, or other unwanted sexual attention. They may act individually in order to belong or impress the others, or as a part of a group by ganging up on a particular target
• Back Handed Predator – those who engage in predatory behaviour by utilizing a third party. Person A targets person B by either overtly flirting, complimenting, putting down, humiliating, harassing or fondling Person C in an effort to get a reaction (disgust, jealousy, feelings of belittlement or inferiority, etc..) from Person B
• Serial Predator – one who engages in one or a combination of predatory behaviour models on an ongoing basis rather than a one- time situational type event.
• Hands on Predator – these engage in actual physical contact with their targets at every opportunity. They will take it upon themselves to grope, grab, fondle, kiss, etc.. their targets without the consent of the target.
• Situation Manipulation Predators – these strategically utilize a change of venue to gain maximum opportunity to engage in predatory behaviour. If the parties normally meet at a munch or a party, this predator will arrange for a more ‘one on one’ environment to carry out their undesirable behaviour (coffee date, dinner, meeting at home. Etc..)
• Tit for tat Predator – inappropriate conduct is used to punish the victim for some perceived infraction, such as rejection of the predator’s advances, or making the harasser feel insecure about himself or herself or his or her abilities. The predator uses bad behavior to put the victim in his or her “place.”
• Insidious Predator – these predators try and make themselves seem like confidantes. They will approach their targets as friendly equals and share stories of their own lives and experiences in an effort to gain trust, admiration and sympathy and entice the target to share as well. All too soon the exchanges begin to take place in more intimate settings and the stories shared used as manipulative devices.
• Garden Variety Jerk – this guy is the ‘wont take no for an answer’ predator who will persist in his unwelcome advances no matter how poilitely, clearly, plainly and consistently he has been told that there is no interest from the other party.
• Smooth Talker – these predators rely on excessive ‘compliments’ and other word play that focuses almost solely on appearance and gender traits. The comments are out of context, over the top, offensive and embarrassing. They are often accompanied by sexually suggestive looks and body language.
• Maladroit Operator – These are socially awkward individuals who want the attentions of their targets even though the targets do not reciprocate these feelings. The often revert to a  display of a sense of entitlement, believing their targets should feel flattered by their attentions. When rejected, bullying methods as a form of revenge may be utilized.

At the core of the problem is the abuse of  power or authority. The dynamics involve an aggressor who holds a position of power over the victim. Predators may choose their victims based on such characteristics as age, perceived passivity or lack of assertiveness, lack of education or naiveté, low self esteem, and other areas of vulnerability. Despite the frequency with which these characteristics may be sought out, it is imperative to remember that people who have these characteristics cause the harassment or deserve to be harassed.
Predators may ‘test out’ targets with minor violations of interpersonal boundaries.

• they might tell sexual jokes or make sexual comments about their target
• display sexual/erotic materials, or ask questions about one’s sex life
• violate one’s personal space with touching and maintain that it is meant to be nonsexual
• make requests or demands that the potential victim meet him/her outside of designated places and times.

Predators often act dismissively or show a lack of regard for the feelings of their victims, even when assertive
attempts are made to put an end to the inappropriate behavior. When confronted about their inappropriate behavior, perpetrators of sexual harassment often act as if they are being victimized, or it is the victim who is at fault. This can be confusing for the victim, and might make her/him feel as if there is no basis for complaining about the behavior, feel as if they do not have the right to complain or feel guilty about trying to set limits or bringing an accusation against the predator.

This outlines some of the types of behaviours than can be used to possibly predict predatory behaviour. Its not a guarantee that you can avoid all negative interactions or that anyone exhibiting these behaviours is automatically a predator. This is information that you should integrate into your own mindset and make calls on in your own best interest.

For more information on this issue, I invite you to check out the first four installments in this series:

‘Morning After’ Regret – Fourth in a Series on Predatory Behavior

Personal Responsibility – Third in a Series on Predatory Behavior

The War Against False Entitlement – Second in a Series on Predatory Behavior

Defining It – First In a Series on Predatory Behavior

~kim

Kink In Motion